Northern Expert finds London still full of wankers
Professor Emeritus of Southern Studies at the University of Leeds, Joe Roots, confirmed in his opening lecture of the 2017/18 academic term that:
“London is...
Britons aghast at realisation that Brexit Bonus is Michael Gove as P.M.
Ordinary, innocent Britons, along with many who voted Leave, were faced today with the horrendous realisation that the much vaunted 'Brexit Bonus' was likely...
Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms
Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney". Claiming to...
I’m glad she can spend more time with family, says deported Brit who won’t...
Amber Rudd has resigned as Home Secretary, saying she "inadvertently misled" MPs over which policies of her predecessor, Theresa May, she was continuing to...
People confused over what Testing is for
Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned.
Idiots the country over were...
Clock in the car delighted to be right for next six months
The clock in the car is said to be absolutely over the moon that the clocks have gone forward or back again.
Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...
A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at...
Being a Menace when you’re called Dennis now about as plausible as being a...
The Beano have announced they are going to change one of their longest running characters names.
Despite its wonderful rhyme, bosses at the...
Shock poll puts Bashar Assad ahead of May and other UK party leaders
The first opinion poll conducted since Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap general election for June 8th has delivered a shock result.
A staggering...
Man gets straw into Capri Sun first go
A bloke from Rochdale is being praised as some kind of wizard today after getting a straw into a Capri Sun on his effort.
Ryan...
Recruitment Consultant talking loudly on phone on train sounds like a bell end, agree...
Passengers from both sides of the Pennines travelling on a train between Manchester and Leeds are united in agreement that a young, overly keen...
Question Time cut short after woman dies of boredom
The BBC's Question Time recording was cut short on Thursday after an audience member passed out from boredom during the recording.
Filming of the BBC...
Cryptocurrencies overtake buy to let portfolios as reason not to have “that twat” over...
Our survey of Rochdale couples reveals cryptocurrencies are now the top reason for removal from dinner party guest lists.
In our extensive survey, which we...
England celebrates patron saint of Syphilis
England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today.
Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon...
We demand the tooth!
Tory MP David Davies has demanded that the most recent group of refugee children, newly arrived in Britain, be taken straight to the dentist.
After...
Daily Express unveils new corporate logo
The Daily Express as revealed a new corporate logo today that it says is more in keeping with how it and its readers view...
