Theresa May refuses to attend the General Election
After appointing her recently bereaved Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take
flack from 'the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally' - Daily Mail,
in...
Northern woman puts heating on
A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October.
Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...
Michael Gove to celebrate New Year’s Eve with simple meal of live mice and...
Michael Gove has confirmed that he will be spending New Year Eve at home for quiet night in with his eggs.
The environment secretary has...
Racists oddly quiet about global paedophile gang operating in Rochdale
Racists around the UK have been oddly quiet about the international paedophile network that has been operating in Rochdale, and everywhere else that matter, for centuries.
"We usually...
Middle aged men in state of heightened excitement after reported sightings of first B...
After spending the long winter months in a hibernatory slumber, the nation's middle-aged men are getting all silly over news that the first hardware...
Morning is the best time of the day, confirm detestable bastards
People who are utter and complete bastards have confirmed that morning is the best time of the day.
Groundbreaking research by researchers at the Institute...
Government vows to tackle crime now wealthy are affected
The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.
A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the...
Nuttall Lost Close Personal Friends When They Discovered He Was An Arsehole
UKIP leader Paul Nuttall lost 'close personal friends' when they discovered he was a bigoted, racist arsehole.
“People started to shun me and sometimes even...
I was looking at porn not the Conservative manifesto, Damien Green assures Mum
The First Secretary of State, essentially Theresa May's deputy, is facing an investigation by his Mum into allegations that copies of the Conservative manifesto...
“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons.
Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.
With launch codes about...
Three year old child sits still and shuts up for five minutes
Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday...
Chelsea Pensioner breaks Paul Golding’s nose
Biffer bashed as Veteran rejects attempt to hijack Remembrance Sunday
Remembrance Sunday is commemorated every year on the second Sunday of November to mark the...
Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS
Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional.
His father, Robert...
Brexit decided by a swift round of ‘Bullseye’
It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of...
TFL confirms London Underground to be extended to Scotland by 2021
London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost...
Woman who believes she is British Prime Minister found wandering in Japan
A woman who apparently believes she is the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has been found wandering in Japan attempting to convince people...
