Scottish islanders prepare to offer counselling to Londoners who lose wheelie bins in Storm...

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As Storm Brian barrels towards the UK with increasing media fury Scottish islanders are preparing to offer counselling to Londoners, and other bewildered southerners,...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove to celebrate New Year’s Eve with simple meal of live mice and...

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Michael Gove has confirmed that he will be spending New Year Eve at home for quiet night in with his eggs. The environment secretary has...

Dirty Politics

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Britain's next Prime Minister is guaranteed to be female but what most people don't know yet is that only one of the contenders will...
Calendar

Government Announces National Nothing Day.

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From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just...

Satire writers doubting their future after ‘test’ post gets more likes than most ‘serious’...

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Satire writers at The Rochdale Herald have been left doubting their future after a 'test' post collected more likes today than most 'serious'...

Tories to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals

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The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research...
Gay Pride

‘Just a phase’ movement finally represented at London Gay Pride

In another great victory for liberal tolerance, the much maligned "just a phase" movement will be properly recognised at tomorrow's London Pride. In between...
Cocker Spaniel

Cocker Spaniel has reasonable and sensible response to doorbell

Reports are coming in that a cocker spaniel has had a perfectly reasonable and sensible reaction to somebody ringing the doorbell. The incident occurred when...

It’s a Christmas Miracle says Rochdale Man who needed nineteen pairs of new socks

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A Rochdale Man who was running dangerously low on half price Pringle socks from TK Maxx has praised friends and relatives for stepping in and buying him almost two dozen pairs for Christmas.

1000’s of tea plantation jobs go as Yorkshire Tea announces it’s moving production to...

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There are fears that thousands of tea plantation workers in Yorkshire could lose their jobs as makers of Yorkshire Tea, Taylors of Harrogate, announced...

Last week’s news roundup

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Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too...
Poached Egg

Someone on Instagram has poached an egg

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According to widespread reports somebody on Instagram has only gone and poached an egg.  Rumours are spreading that the egg poacher may have in fact...
three year old

Three year old child sits still and shuts up for five minutes

Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday...
Chelsea Pensioner

Chelsea Pensioner breaks Paul Golding’s nose

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Biffer bashed as Veteran rejects attempt to hijack Remembrance Sunday Remembrance Sunday is commemorated every year on the second Sunday of November to mark the...

Vegans & Fruitarians to settle differences with pissing contest in Co-op car park

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Long held tensions between Orthodox Vegans & followers of it's subsidiary Fruitarianism about which is the most ethical way of life finally came to...

Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech

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Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...

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