Fire at Belfast Primark destroys £5.50 worth of stock
A fire that has gutted a branch of Primark in Belfast has destroyed £5.50 worth of stock.
Primark manager, Shaughn O'Shaughnasseigh told us, "This fire...
Writing satire ‘not even possible anymore’
Authors of satirical magazines and websites across the globe have confirmed that reality has now overtaken the worst piss-taking they could ever imagine.
"Donald Trump...
Everybody wondering where the one car with snow on it came from
Drivers all over the UK are wondering where the hell that one car with snow on it has come from.
"Where on Earth has that...
OUTRAGE as gender neutral snowbeing desecrated with COCK AND BALLS!!!
GMP Saddleworth were last night were conducting a full manhunt, as the spate of gender neutral snow beings being cruelly desecrated with a carrot...
Cannabis legalisation could mean users run out of things to talk about within 24...
Experts are tonight warning that Britain's stoner community could run out of things to talk about in as little as 24 hours. The warnings...
Rail Companies to simplify process of deciding which is the worst
Following recent criticism from the rail regulator, Train operating companies (TOCs) are to make it easier for travellers to decide which has the worst...
People who start sentences with ‘I’m not racist, but’ are definitely about to say...
Indeed, not one instance was found of a non-racist comment following "I'm not a racist, but."
Get on smack if you love the Union Jack – patriots demand you inject...
Britain's most patriotic patriots have led calls for everyone in the country to be forced to inject themselves with poppies. The push for proper...
Question Time cut short after woman dies of boredom
The BBC's Question Time recording was cut short on Thursday after an audience member passed out from boredom during the recording.
Filming of the BBC...
England celebrates patron saint of Syphilis
England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today.
Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon...
People with no connection to the USA celebrate Independence Day
People with absolutely no connection to the United States of America have been inexplicably celebrating US Independence Day today.
Cliff Edge told us, "I got...
Harry Potter thinks Corbo is “Absolutely Wizard!”
Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days...
First shipment of thoughts and prayers arrive for those made homeless by Grenfell Fire
The first shipment of thoughts and prayers has arrived in Kensington to be distributed amongst those left homeless by the fire that destroyed Grenfell Tower one week ago.
Idiots declare ‘It’s officially Christmas!’ following annual sugar water advert
The popular Coca Cola advert which includes trucks and or polar bears has aired on UK television again tonight as it does every year.
Millions...
Internet expert reveals Roman Empire was predominantly black
You heard it here last. Internet expert in everything and porn enthusiast @JailbaitPlanet has scandalised so called “experts” and “professional historians” by revealing in a...
Boris Johnson discovers he’s won half a speedboat at Chequers
Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and David Davis have won half a speedboat at the Conservative Party away day at Chequers today. The trio were...
