Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

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The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has...
David Davis

New Heathrow runway will make getting to France easier say Brexiteers

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The new runway at Heathrow airport will be completed just in time for leading Brexiteer's to use it to leave the country for villa's...

Brexit Secretary resignation is ‘ferry nuff’ and we’ll get ‘Dover’ it, says PM

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Brexit secretary Dominic Raab, who had one job, to achieve an appropriate agreement to leave the EU, has resigned from the government Announcing his departure...
Happy Children

Parents of school age children feeling no sympathy for teachers as holidays end

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Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an...
Britain First

New phrase ‘Wankers Dozen’ defined as ‘Britain First meeting’

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The Rochdale to English Dictionary today confirmed it would be adding the colloquial phrase 'wankers dozen' to their 2019 edition. The R.E.D.'s official definition...

Southerner changes view of North after paying less than £7 for a pint

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A pig headed Southern man has reduced his negative opinion of the north by 0.00000001% after spending a delightful weekend in Heckmondwicke. Southerner Paul Thatcher-Wright,...
Pigs

Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs

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Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of...

Government should save people’s shop John Lewis says man who hasn’t been in since...

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A Rochdale man has demanded that the Government step in if the retailer John Lewis goes bust. There are fears that the retailer may...

We survived Bubonic plague so we’ll probably survive Brexit, Government assures Britain

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The Government has released advice on what to do in the event of a 'no-deal' Brexit. The advice has the catchy strap line, "No-deal,...

Stop calling us liars, lying racist shitsticks tell Microsoft

The Daily Mail is calling for a web browser alert that tells readers that prolonged exposure to its website will turn them into completely...
BMW

BMW three series usage linked with being an unbearable bellend

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A 25 year long study of the people who habitually buy and use BMW 3 series has concluded that they are usually "unbearable bellends." Previous...

Russian Government says it asked Arron Banks to organise a trip to Salisbury Cathedral

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Arron Banks has said that he only spoke to Russian Government officials because they had asked him to organise a tour of Salisbury Cathedral....

Met office issue ice warning in winter

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As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give...

Jeremy Corbyn Guarantees Tory Win By Not Jerking Knee

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The chance of Conservative Party rule evaporated today. Jeremy Corbyn is to talk about the nuances of foreign policy and its consequences. "It's an outrage!" stated...
Boris Johnson

Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris is Foreign Secretary

In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already...
UKIP

UKIP suspends member for reading a book

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A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes...

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