Theresa May expected to announce late entrance to this years ‘I’m a Celebrity Get...
Prime Minster, and Britain's foremost pterodactyl impersonator, Theresa May is rumoured to be announcing that she will be a last minute entrant to this...
Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms
Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney". Claiming to...
Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy
Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role...
Labour forced to suspend MP Jared O’Mara after it was revealed he considers Jaffa...
Sheffield MP Jared O’Mara has found himself in extremely hot water today as fresh evidence of controversial views and opinions have been found on...
I’m unlikely to put up with your shit much longer, cat tells owner after...
A 4 year old black and white cat from Twickenham has told its owner Steve that "It's pretty fucking unlikely that I will be...
British Company Based In Britain Backs Britain
Brexiters across the land are jubilantly crying "We told you so!" after GlaxoSmithKline, a UK company, based in the UK, that wanted the UK...
Clock in the car delighted to be right for next six months
The clock in the car is said to be absolutely over the moon that the clocks have gone forward or back again.
Men to celebrate International Men’s Day by having no idea that it’s International Men’s...
Men across the globe will celebrate International Men's Day today by being completely oblivious to the fact that it's International Men's Day.
The annual event,...
Everybody wondering where the one car with snow on it came from
Drivers all over the UK are wondering where the hell that one car with snow on it has come from.
"Where on Earth has that...
Being a Menace when you’re called Dennis now about as plausible as being a...
The Beano have announced they are going to change one of their longest running characters names.
Despite its wonderful rhyme, bosses at the...
England celebrates patron saint of Syphilis
England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today.
Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon...
“It’s Warmas” declares Britain
Are you hanging loads of poppy's on the wall?
Is your granny telling you stories about fighting in the Second World War despite only being...
Man gets straw into Capri Sun first go
A bloke from Rochdale is being praised as some kind of wizard today after getting a straw into a Capri Sun on his effort.
Ryan...
Cryptocurrencies overtake buy to let portfolios as reason not to have “that twat” over...
Our survey of Rochdale couples reveals cryptocurrencies are now the top reason for removal from dinner party guest lists.
In our extensive survey, which we...
Clock in car mysteriously right again
There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...
Amber Rudd becomes Secretary at Home
Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification.
"I have agreed...
