Vegans & Fruitarians to settle differences with pissing contest in Co-op car park

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Long held tensions between Orthodox Vegans & followers of it's subsidiary Fruitarianism about which is the most ethical way of life finally came to...

Bloke with neck tattoo does really, really well in job interview

A bloke with a tattoo of a skull on his neck has done really, really well in a job interview today. Harvey Wallbanger, 22, from...

Local journalist creates entire article from on line forum comments.

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A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely...
Working Class Couple

Working class couple getting married

A working class couple, Steven Dickinson and Barbara Stevenson, who don't own a string of polo ponies, are due to get married at a...

Anti-Semetism claims are part of Jewish influenced media conspiracy, claims Momentum member

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A Rochdale Momentum member has told us that claims of anti-Semetism made by Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mervis are proof that there is a media...

Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech

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Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...
Pensioners

It’s not our fault you can’t afford a house, say Thatcherite geriatrics to younger...

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British geriatrics were claiming victory this afternoon in the long held ‘it was better in the old days’ debate against younger demographics. Research released by...
Larry the Cat

Larry the Downing Street Cat responds to allegations of sexual misconduct: These stories are...

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Disgraced veteran mouser Larry the Downing Street Cat on Friday admitted to allegations of sexual misconduct that were levelled against him earlier in the...
Love Actually

Christmas ruined after husband caught shagging secretary on Christmas Eve

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Christmas is officially ruined after the managing director of a local advertising agency was caught by his wife bonking his secretary on Christmas Eve. Father...

First Briton shocks Britain First

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Researchers from London's natural history Museum have presented the results of analysis of DNA from 'Cheddar Man', Britain's oldest complete skeleton, prompting a spokesman...
High Court

Man who murdered colleague who spoke to him before first cup of coffee cleared...

A man who beat a colleague to death with a computer keyboard in what has been described as a frenzied attack has been cleared...

Suicide prevented with picture of ‘Inspirational Quote’

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Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday. Mr. Jones...

Jeremy Hunt’s £44,000 office shower necessary for cleaning off his bullshit

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“Of course Jeremy needs a shower for his office. He’s in it right now as a matter of fact. Every time he opens his mouth, he spews out so much utter bullshit that it gets all over him and he has to get cleaned up.”

Emergency services respond to man with spade in head

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Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries. The man's wife called 999 after her...
Middle Aged Man Barbecue

Women overcome by raw sexuality of man undercooking chicken on BBQ

  Emergency services were called to a barbecue at a property in northern Lancashire this afternoon after dozens of women came over "a bit funny"...

Labour Party member forced to deny he’s joined a cult

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A Labour Party member who has attended their conference has been forced to deny he has joined a cult. Bill Board has spent the last...

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