Returning jihadis to be given free roast dinner at BUCKINGHAM PALACE
Britons who travelled to Syria to fight for the so-called Islamic State will be welcomed back into the country with a FREE roast dinner...
Dad thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping
A Rochdale Dad has broken protocol by announcing that he has begun thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping with more than a...
Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason
Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources.
For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
British public says Nigel Farage can have peerage now so long as we don’t...
“It’s like Frankenstein’s monster. You create this and release it there is no telling what harm it will do once it realises it has thumbs. Better instead to give the chancer a Lordship and let him never turn up to the House of Lords. It will be exactly the same as his ‘work’ as an MEP. Put him on a few committees and you’ll never see him again.”
This week already pissed off with itself and planning a holiday
Millions of Microsoft outlook users are about to receive an unexpected update in their calendars.
The Rochdale Herald has just received an email from an...
Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns
As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined...
Recently renamed London landmark Massive Mohammed to ring out for Diwali despite repairs
There will be fewer quiet nights during October after the authorities in charge of the House of Commons agreed to give the recently renamed...
Racist black cop shoots mentally unstable white veteran, says Fox News
Fox News has accused the LA Police Department of institutional racism after a black cop shot a mentally unstable white veteran on the steps...
Next Call of Duty to be set on Oxford Street during Black Friday sales
The team behind the bewilderingly popular series of computer games Call of Duty has revealed that the next instalment of the franchise will be...
Scottish football fans to show solidarity with Colombia by snorting loads of cocaine
Scottish football fans have said they will up their intake of cocaine this weekend in an effort to demonstrate their solidarity with the Colombian...
Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens
Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish".
As finger after taloned finger...
Man singing “Free Tommy Robinson” thought he was entering competition to meet him
A man who spent yesterday in London singing "Free Tommy Robinson" has said he thought he was entering a competition to meet him.
Dave Wild...
Rees-Mogg reveals time travel is workable Irish border solution
Jacob Rees-Mogg has revealed that the Irish border issue can be easily and practically solved using time travel.
Rees-Mogg revealed the plan today in a...
It was straightforward shooting not sex, says Prince Andrew
Young girls were released into the Sandringham Estate and shot at as part of Ghislaine Maxwell's birthday celebrations, Prince Andrew has revealed.
The Duke of...
Man thinks totalitarian measures the best way to honour war dead
A Bridlington man has outlined extreme measures by which people not wearing poppies on Remembrance Sunday should be punished.
This includes being subjected to death...
Burnley ‘model’ swaps ‘virginity’ for fish and chip supper
A 19-year old 'model from Burnley has spoken of a dream come true after she swapped her 'virginity' for some fish and chips with...
