Treasury announces British economy based on booze and barbeques
The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques.
In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny...
Man with plan to carpe the absolute diem out of today now on his...
A Rochdale man woke up Monday morning to his Eye of the Tiger alarm clock, punched the air, and said let’s get to work.
Trevor...
Parents of school age children feeling no sympathy for teachers as holidays end
Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an...
Women overcome by raw sexuality of man undercooking chicken on BBQ
Emergency services were called to a barbecue at a property in northern Lancashire this afternoon after dozens of women came over "a bit funny"...
Fifa officials turn down Putin’s offer of dinner in Zizzi’s following World Cup opening...
Fifa officials last night refused to comment on rumours that they all turned down Vladimir Putin's offer of an all-expenses paid trip to Zizzi's...
Returning jihadis to be given free roast dinner at BUCKINGHAM PALACE
Britons who travelled to Syria to fight for the so-called Islamic State will be welcomed back into the country with a FREE roast dinner...
Charity begins at home, say dickheads who don’t give money to charity
Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home.
The wankers, who can...
Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs
Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist.
Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of...
Government should save people’s shop John Lewis says man who hasn’t been in since...
A Rochdale man has demanded that the Government step in if the retailer John Lewis goes bust. There are fears that the retailer may...
Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest.
The cause of...
Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery
A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...
Thirty nine bus seats arrested in counter-terrorism operation
In what police are describing as a “significant” counter-terrorism operation, thirty nine bus seats were arrested today on suspicion of being involved in jihadist...
Teabag enters second month on little plate by kettle
A teabag is currently entering its second month of lying in state on a little plate by the kettle in the kitchen.
Barbara Dickinson of...
Children of hippy parents gear up for annual disappointment of ethical advent calendars
The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars.
8 year old Freedom Snowphish said,...
Wetherspoons to rebrand as “Special Circle of Hell”
Pub chain Wetherspoons is to re-brand as the Special Circle of Hell following an endorsement by EU President Donald Tusk.
A spokesman for the company...
Theresa May to open new Ministry of Silly Bans
Prime Minister Theresa May has announced a new Ministry of Silly Bans, to be set up immediately.
The job of the new department will be to...
