National News

  Fifa officials last night refused to comment on rumours that they all turned down Vladimir Putin's offer of an all-expenses paid trip to Zizzi's...

The Duke of Edinburgh has strenuously denied sending Prince Harry and Megan Marckle a toxic package. The parcel was left on Harry and Megan's doorstep...

Weary Rochdale let out yet another groan of despair after yet more revelations of the serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk's sex...

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley,...

“It’s like Frankenstein’s monster. You create this and release it there is no telling what harm it will do once it realises it has thumbs. Better instead to give the chancer a Lordship and let him never turn up to the House of Lords. It will be exactly the same as his ‘work’ as an MEP. Put him on a few committees and you’ll never see him again.”

Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest. The cause of...

Colonel Mustard has alleged that the housing minister, in the cabinet office, with the funding cuts caused the Grenfell fire.   The Colonel, wearing a...

Professional sexist and political hot potato Andrea Leadsom was under fire yesterday following revelations that her comments about motherhood in The Times during her...

Following the tragic death of a pedestrian knocked down by a driverless Uber vehicle, the taxi giant confirmed it would be consulting UK Government...

Amber Rudd was today left with egg on her face after a leaked email detailing a new strategy to combat immigration levels and increase...

The vote leave campaign have today received a stern glare and a verbal ticking off for cheating at the village fete tombola. It turns out...

Princess Diana's ghost has told Daily Express readers that Theresa May's Brexit deal is a complete car crash. Speaking to the Express Diana's ghost said,...

The Government has announced that it has recruited some more "freaks and weirdos" as advisors following the resignation of noted weirdo, Andrew Sabisky. A spokesman...

As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give...

Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and...

A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes...