Queen and Duke

Queen undergoes Duke of Edinburgh replacement operation

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The Queen has undergone a successful operation to have the Duke of Edinburgh replaced. Doctors at King Charle's hospital in London said the operation had...
Blue Passport

British retail workers thrilled about opportunity to sign on using blue passport

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British retail workers have revealed that they're looking forward to signing on with blue passports. Cliff Edge told us, "Not having a job or any...

Power vacuum at the top of British politics sponsored by Dyson

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Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet...

Pink shirts are all the rage, says man who left red sock in washing...

A bloke who only wears pink shirts now is insisting that they are all the rage having washed all of his white clothes with...

Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW

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A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that...

We have no shares in Amazon as Yodel are delivering them, says Justin Welby

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Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby has today explained that The Church of England doesn't actually have shares in Amazon as Yodel has never delivered...
Afro

Splendid Afros distance themselves from Diane Abbott

Splendid Afros around the world have taken to Twitter to condemn Diane Abbot for being a complete idiot. Diane Abbot was interviewed on the Andrew...
Lucky Childless Bastards

Lucky childless bastards book affordable holiday

A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost...
For Sale Signs

You could always smother a grandparent for a house deposit, Banks advise first time...

First time buyers struggling to raise the funds for a house deposit are being advised to smother an elderly relative for the inheritance by...
Sad Dog

Family dog requests compassionate leave to mourn arrival of baby

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Charlotte, a seven year old English Bulldog, is heart broken after a new baby was born this morning in her family. She admits to being...

Thousands gather in North Yorkshire to see world’s first completely empty Biro

There is more travel misery anticipated for the rest of the week as tens of thousands of people are expected to continue making their...
BMW

Considerate driver sold BMW by mistake

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A car dealership Mike's Motors in Bolton said there were "lessons to be learned"after a careful and considerate driver was allowed to drive away...

Arron Banks clarifies that he is being investigated by the National Crime Agency not...

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Arron Banks from Leave.EU has today clarified that he didn't finance the vote leave campaign that the Electoral Commission has found guilty of overspending...
Corbyn

Fresh controversy as Corbyn pictured wearing a Beret and eating Scallops

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Jeremy Corbyn has caused fresh controversy by appearing on BBC Breakfast wearing a Beret and eating Normandy Scallops. Mr Corbyn was appearing to deny...

Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms

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Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney".  Claiming to...

British Company Based In Britain Backs Britain

Brexiters across the land are jubilantly crying "We told you so!" after GlaxoSmithKline, a UK company, based in the UK, that wanted the UK...

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