Rochdale’s Brickcroft Lane Social Club unveil The Danczuk Memorial Bin

It has taken years of diligent campaigning and endless hours of tough negotiating but finally Simon Danczuk has achieved something material for the citizens Rochdale. Today saw the unveiling of Simon Danczuk's crowning achievement. A...

Man arrested masturbating outside Primark not Simon Danczuk

Rumours were circulating around the editorial bunker yesterday that the man arrested for masturbating outside of Primark was local pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk. Despite getting our hopes up it turns out that it was somebody...

Keith Vaz in hiding after wife tells him she’s “fine”

The whereabouts of Keith Vaz remain a mystery this morning after rumours emerged that he fled the country following a conversation with his wife during which she told him "I'm fine". Mr Vaz, who had...
Fooded river

Rochdale River Opening Big Mistake

Council bosses stumbled across some architectural documents relating to the newly uncovered River Roach in the town centre on Tuesday. Deep in the bowels of Hitler's favourite building, several documents advising that the Rochdale river...
Rock, Paper, Scissors

Council election draw decided by ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’

In a remarkable turn of events, there have been two draws in results in the Local Council elections. Northumberland County Council saw Conservative and Liberal Democrats ties, which were decided by drawing lots of straws...
Rochdale Riverside

Rochdale unaffected by US Government shutdown confirms Council chief

Rochdale - The leader of Rochdale Borough Council, Councillor Allen Brett, has reassured residents of the town that they won't be affected by the ongoing US Government shutdown on the basis that "we're not...

Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet

Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival. North Norfolk District Council broke the news on Twitter that the creator of the cult 60s...
Tree lined street

Sheffield City Council issues injunction against Councillor for doing councillory things.

In the increasing farrago that surrounds Sheffield City Council's efforts to denude the streets of lush, green, oxygen-providing, shade-giving trees - in the quest for straight kerbstones - the Council has resorted to issuing...
Man in tree with chainsaw

Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’

Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down eight mature trees alongside Rustling Road in Sheffield, and contrary...

Rochdale council urge residents to help alleviate flooding

Rochdale council have taken the unusual step of issuing a plea for help from residents, especially those further out of town to leave their taps on over night to help lower the risk of...
Tree lined street

Sheffield Tree-Felling Councillor Hospitalised With Irony Overdose

It has been revealed that Clr Brian 'Hodge' Podge, the Sheffield Councillor responsible for the hugely unpopular street tree felling programme, was rushed to hospital yesterday. Sheffield Council is Labour controlled and Labour Councillor Podge...
Hippies Hippy

Sheffield Tree Protestors Charged With Doing Nothing Illegal Are Freed

Two lovely blokes who were recently charged with doing absolutely nothing illegal by the dark forces of South Yorkshire police and Sheffield Council were celebrating their freedom yesterday. Simeon Cramp and Calvin Hobbes, who frequently...
Snow on trees

Rochdale Council to vote on plan to colour snow

Rochdale Council are to consider a plan to colour snow to make it more representative of the cultural mix of the area. The Rochdale Multi-Cultural Planning Group have put forward the idea because they are worried...

LATEST – Burnley moves even closer to life in colour

Residents of Burnley moved one step closer to a life lived in colour this week. The Rochdale Herald recently reported Burnley Council's plans to allow colour to be available to its...

Rochdale’s Monthly Bin Collections Hailed Success

Rochdale’s Council have declared their bi-monthly bin collections a “massive success” and a “victory for recycling” by Labour Mayor Johnny Pork.

Home Office Play Matchmaker for Rochdale’s Bridget Joneses

The Rochdale Herald can reveal controversial Home Office plans to settle new male immigrants in areas of Britain with too many single women in an attempted boost to integration, and ultimately to increase Britain's...

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