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Rochdale, UK

Climate Change is a hoax insists Texan on a raft

Despite his trailer having flooded and all his possessions being lost to water damage, defiant Texan, Ray "Buckeye" McCready is travelling around his home state on a makeshift raft to convince others that climate change is a hoax.
Hurricane

State of emergency declared as Hurricane Irma heads towards rich white people

Category 4 hurricane ‘Irma’ has caused devastation throughout the Caribbean and Bahamas this week. The hurricane has broken previous records of longest sustained category 5 status and has had winds of up to 185mph, causing...
Trump Supporters

Trump discovers one weird trick to increasing attendance at his rallies

The White House has confirmed that Donald Trump has found a weird trick to increasing attendance at his rallies. During a speech given to Texas flooding victims Trump said, "Can you believe the size of...
Beynonce Knowles

We need buoyancy aids not Beyonce aid, say Houston flood victims

Residents of Houston were bemused by an offer from pop star Beyonce offering help for those affected by the recent flooding. “We asked for buoyancy aids so that we could keep ourselves and our pets...
Sea Wall

Trump announces plan for sea wall to keep out foreign storms

Donald Trump has unveiled his latest scheme to “make America great again” - a huge wall along the entire coast to keep out hurricanes, or “foreign storms” as he put it. “All this foreign air...
Trump Golf

Trump to visit Texas just as soon as the golf courses have been reopened

Donald Trump has announced he intends to visit areas of Texas affected by flooding just as soon as the cleaning operation on Texan golf courses is complete. In a tweet Trump said, "Wow. Just had confirmation...
Gay Men

Gays seen boarding ark two by two in Texas saying ‘our work here is...

An ark has been spotted in Texas picking up a group of homosexuals who caused all the flooding there. The findings have come as a suprise to scientists as it seems to confirm the Silvester...

Terrifying clown in next Stephen King film to be perma-tanned and have a combover

Stephen King took to twitter today to reveal a juicy nugget regarding his next movie project, ’Idiot’, a sequel to ‘It’, will feature a perma-tanned clown with a combover. The orange skinned clown has been...

Hurricane Harvey considered least destructive 2020 presidential candidate

In an attempt to win back votes from the orange-painted tweeting shitangutan, the Democrats have turned to Hurricane Harvey to stand as their candidate for 2020. Harvey, which is expected to tear across Texas causing...
Trump Flag

Trump to introduce Hunger Games-style immigration policy

The matter of immigration has often been a contentious issue within politics, particularly American politics of late. During the campaign trail, Donald Trump promised certain measures would be put in place to reduce the...

Light spectroscopy confirms Trump wears a toupee and it’s 70% alpaca

Donald Trump's hair is partly fake, and the fake part is not even human hair, but alpaca, scientists working for NASA's Astronomical spectroscopy division announced Friday. The scientists, who normally analyse light emitted by distant...

President Trump to wear eclipse glasses when viewing the news to protect his thin...

It was announced today via Twitter that President Trump will now wear eclipse glasses when viewing the news in order to protect his thin skin. The modification to the President’s usual procedure of pacing back...
Rambo on a horse

Producers of Rambo 3 sue Donald Trump for plagiarising film plot for Afghanistan strategy

The producers of Rambo 3 are allegedly suing Donald Trump for copyright infringements based on his Afghanistan strategy. Mr Trump was initially very cold on keeping the US in Afghanistan but, after seeing pictures of...
Donald Trump Wig

‘News media so fake’ says perma-tanned, toupee-wearing septuagenarian

The world's favourite orange leader has been ranting about his pet hate once again. The issue of so-called “Fake news” is now well within the public consciousness, primarily thanks to the man who looks...
Trump

After being pussy whipped by North Korea, Trump turns his attention to Afganyst Agfhanist...

Having been pussy-whipped by North Korea in the Pacific, US president Donald Trump has signalled his readiness to turn his military attention to Afganyst Agfhanist Afgannyst...the Taliban. Speaking to the Rochdale Herald, White House Press...
Donald Trump

Trump to remove all right-wing terrorists from FBI watch-list in Operation Anti-Schindler

Donald Trump had been criticised by many for not denouncing the actions of the right-wing protests in Charlottesville. Then he declared there were people to blame on both sides, presumably the woman damaging the...

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