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Dick Turnip

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Denis Skinner

Labour foreign policy just Dennis Skinner with a cricket bat

Jeremy Corbyn's anti-Trident, peace before war principles have long caused concern amongst critics and fellow MPs. "He'll lie down and let anyone who wants to do...

Corbyn tells press conference if you strike me down I will become more powerful...

Following Theresa May's unsurprising announcement of a snap general election, Jeremy Corbyn has made a press statement. Stood in front of a dozen media representatives he said; "We...
Watership Down

Social services called after Rochdale father makes children watch Watership Down

A child in Norden has been reduced to a blubbering wreck after watching the animated classic Watership Down. What initially appeared to be a pleasant film,...

Netanyahu accidentally condemns use of phosphorous based weapons on children

This week video footage of a possible chemical weapons attack on civilians, including children has emerged.  The footage shows men and children frothing at the mouth, whilst...
Dinner party group

Cheap bottle of wine is eventually returned to original gift giver

A bottle of £3.50 red wine from Lidl, which was brought to a house warming, has finally been returned to the cheapskate couple that...
Vegan woman

Bank of England to use vegan fat in new £20 notes

Last year vegans and social justice warriors, fighting on behalf of un-offended Hindus and Sikhs, absolutely lost their shit because of the Bank of...
Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the...

Plans for Trident found wrapped around a portion of chips

Detailed plans of the Vanguard submarine and Trident nuclear defence system have been discovered in Haywood. It's not currently clear how the detailed specification drawings and...
Corbyn

Corbyn warned to Beware the Ides of March

Jeremy Corbyn, twice elected leader of the Labour party has been warned by a soothsayer to "Beware the Ides of March". It comes days after the...

World book day sparked hate incident

An unfortunate faux pas occurred yesterday at St Timothy's primary school in Rochdale. Gareth Brown, a year 5 pupil was sent home after arriving at school...

Corbyn supporters call for reselection of Copeland constituency

After Labour's marginal win in Stoke and devastating Loss in Copeland by elections, Left wing Labour supporters are calling for reselection of the constituency. Speaking to disappointed...

New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen. 'April' the...

RBS announces plan to rebrand as The Money Pit

The Royal Bank of Scotland has today announced losses of 7 billion pounds in the fiscal year of 2016. The Bank has been running at...

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