Couldn’t organise a piss up at a brewery now Couldn’t open an envelope at...
People bored with ways of describing the gross ineptitude they see around them on a daily basis in work, in the media, in government and politics...
Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea
A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea.
Clarence Tetley,...
EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain
The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early...
French PM Tells Boris “Freedom of Movement or Nothing” then Shuts Calais
British holidaymakers and Brexit voters on their way to France had the opportunity to learn what the term "French border control" actually means over...
Theresa May to rebrand Conservatives as People’s Front of Judea to present united front...
Many alternative names were considered. The United Front of Judean People. This was taken unfortunately by a group lead by David Davis and Sajid Javid. Splitters!
Milk Tray man jailed for breaking and entering
A former chocolate delivery man broke into dozens of women’s homes over a 50 year period leaving unwanted chocolates and creepy handwritten notes.
Gary Myers, 76...
Angelina Jolie on track to beat Elizabeth Taylor’s record
Marriage fan Angelina Jolie revealed yesterday that she was well on track to break the late Elizabeth Taylor's Hollywood record of eight marriages and...
21,000 additional mental health workers unnecessary if Jeremy Hunt used his real name
“Imagine if you could call that overbearing parent a proper Jeremy Hunt to their face? And you could do it all your life? Just get that stress out before it builds into an illness that blights your life.”
Chris Evans to host new BBC bake off show
Red headed billionaire Christopher Evans has been confirmed as the new host of the Beeb's brand new baking show designed to take the place...
Tony Blair ego in critical condition after found clinging to Brexit controversy in Atlantic
After being lost for several months following his exile from the UK, Tony Blair's ego has been found clinging desperately to a Brexit controversy...
Democratic Democrats protest against anti-democratic democracy
Protesters smashed windows and turned violent in Oregon and a few other places last night.
“Trump is anti-democratic!” yelled the crowd protesting against the man...
Fillies to continue racing as outbreak confirmed as equine equivalent of ‘man flu’.
Initial reports that all racing in the U.K. was to be suspended have proved to be unfounded after vets have confirmed that the outbreak...
Pound for Pound Sandi Toksvig is paid same as Stephen Fry for hosting QI...
Following the publication of the salaries paid to its top stars the BBC has rushed to deny reports that QI presenter Sandi Toksvig was...
Bradley Walsh cast on Doctor Who to tackle underrepresentation of middle aged white men
Popular presenter of ITV’s The Chase, Bradley Walsh, has been announced today as a new companion in long running BBC sci-fi show, Doctor Who.
The...
Sex slurs cooking at Great British Bake-off
Channel four’s blue-eyed baker boy Paul Hollywood is reportedly reviewing his role on the hugely popular Great British Bake-Off because of the ever-widening scourge...
Candice wins Great British Pout Off 2016
Candice from Bedfordshire has won The Great British Pout Off after ten gruelling weeks of televised puckering.
