Boris Johnson has taken the lead in the call to end the public sector pay cap in response to the clear mandate delivered by the people on June 8th.
A noted humanitarian, deeply concerned with anything that causes women discomfort, Mr Johnson has been forced to act due to the ineffectiveness of Jeremy Corbyn.
“It’s just flabbergastering.” Mr Johnson said, dressed in body hugging active wear and holding a folded Brompton bike outside of his modest London home.
“Corbs claims. Corb oozes. He bumbledazzledoozes in parliament about being concerned about the pay cap on sweet, delectable ladies’ earnings, but then drops it like a hot cake at the first sign of opposition from the opposing benches!”
It’s not good enough for Mr Johnson. He’s not going to stand for it anymore.
“I’m not going to stand, sit or fold my legs for it. I’m going to thrust my hips forward and fight for the rights of nurses to eat whatever they damn well choose!”
Mr Johnson is just one of many Conservative MPs who are suddenly deeply concerned about the plight of public sector workers. Just because they voted against lifting the pay cap a few days ago, it doesn’t mean they don’t care, and neither does it make their actions now either calculated or cynical.
“We couldn’t vote to lift the cap when a commie suggested it.” Mr Johnson explained, as he handed his Brompton to a staffer so they could unfold it.
“Devilishly tricky machines to set up. Corbs puts the idea forward it’s clearly a sneaky, underhand trick to lure everyone into a trap.”
So what is Boris planning to do about it?
“Use it to set myself up as a paladin of course.” He explains, taking back the Brompton.
“Use it to mark myself out as a clear alternative to Theresa May!” And with that he wobblydobbly rode away.
