National News

After a quick survey of Buckingham Palace on Thursday, 38 year old builder, Barry Burford reportedly said; "Well, there's the pointing, supplies, man hours, that boiler needs ripping out...." A member of the royal househould staff,...

The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic  this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need stalwart Pudsey Bear, who was sensationally arrested on fraud charges...

Mime artists across the world are silently applauding the first ever recorded occurrence of a mime artist breaking out of a glass box. There was nearly a breakout in 1987 when Chico the twat had...

A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being processed from January of this year. Researchers have attributed the findings...

The Green Cross Code Man has been killed in Rochdale in a terribly ironic tragedy involving a silent Ocado electric delivery van and a mobile phone.

The annual outing of Facebook Meteorologists is in full swing. Facebook servers are under severe strain from the pictures of the first inclement weather of the season. It seems in spite of it being cold...

80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused by a severe vitamin C deficiency that commonly affected pirates...

Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down eight mature trees alongside Rustling Road in Sheffield, and contrary...

Last week there was a rather big election in the USA. The supporters of the losing candidate have spent every waking moment since, it seems, trying to find anybody to blame for the victory...

We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The phrase, which initially gained popularity following the Brexit vote in...

Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war memorials, cenotaphs, religious services and shopping centres throughout the country. Not...

Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.  With launch codes about to be given to President Fuckface Von Clownstick, many weapons...

John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black family that buys a trampoline which immediately gets shat on...

The British Press had better be nice to Prince Harry's new girlfriend Meghan Markle or we could end up with "a bat-shit crazy old boot for a Princess instead". The warning comes from Bert...

Rochdale Council are to consider a plan to colour snow to make it more representative of the cultural mix of the area. The Rochdale Multi-Cultural Planning Group have put forward the idea because they are worried...

The editor of The Daily Mail is said to be in a critical condition this afternoon after learning that Prince Harry's new girlfriend is mixed race.