US announces National Police Shooting League

Excitement is mounting in the United States ahead of the launch of the National Police Shooting League. 20,000 law enforcement agencies will be competing for the coveted title of Most Lethal after the Federal Government...

Donald’s diddy digits dodge draft

As the smokescreen around Donald Trump's draft dodging tactics intensifies The Rochdale Herald has uncovered startling new evidence. The story currently being spun is that Trump had a poorly foot which was sore enough to...

KKK David Duke polling better with black voters than Donald Trump

In news that feels like it should be satire but is in fact oddly true, Dr David Duke, the Grand Wizard of The Ku Klux Klan, is polling better amongst black voters in his...

Outrage as Trump BBQ ruins White House lawn

White House officials were said to be furious today after Trump supporters burned a cross on the South Lawn last night. The BBQ, which was part of a series of cultural events showcasing the rich...

Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn

Plans for an official book burning at a Trump rally in Bumshart California had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in the state own no books. The book bonfire was to be...
The Pope

Top Vatican paedophiles and the Pope claim Transgender people are ‘crime against God’

Frock wearing top Catholic wizard Pope Francis has decided that transgender people are a crime against God. "They teach children -children!- that they can choose gender!" he exclaimed to cries of "And?" "Thank God for that,"...

Obama rushed to hospital after biting through lip during Trump press conference

President Barack Obama was rushed to hospital yesterday after sustaining injuries during a press conference. Herald reporter Scott McCracknee was there and describes what happened. "Mr Obama was being very diplomatic in describing Donald Trump as...

Eric Trump banned from All-Valley Championships after breaking Daniel Larusso’s leg

There was fresh controversy in the Trump camp this morning as allegations emerged of cheating in the All-Valley Karate Championships. In a blow to the personal ambitions of both Sensei Trump and his teenage heart-throb...
Trump Baby

Trump eats baby in front of mother during rally

Donald Trump hit a new low today by disembowelling a newborn baby and eating her still beating heart like an apple after she interrupted him during a speech at a rally. The esteemed political philosopher...

Trump campaign an elaborate game of  ‘Electoral Chicken’

Emails leaked from Donald Trump's campaign office over the weekend appear to show that the follically absurd pseudo-politician is engaged in a mass game of chicken with the US electorate to see who gives...

Texas commemorates first mass shooting by giving students guns to take to school

To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the world's inaugural mass shooting event at the University of Austin in Texas law makers have passed a very special law to mark the occasion. On August 2nd 1966...

UK “unsafe” says Trump as British Armed Police “Worst in the World”

Donald Trump has declared Britain "unsafe for US Citizens" as the UK Armed Police have been named the worst in the World on the influential Slager Scale. Named after Michael Slager - the fat,...

Gigantic orange adult toddler in misogyny veteran sacrifice spat

Donald 'The Toddler' Trump was said to be upset this morning after the hashtag DumbDonald began trending on Twitter. The Toddler is running for the President of the United States but this week managed to...
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for Christmas. The book, titled "My Struggle" will focus largely on his...

Conspiracy theorists concerned nobody might be in charge after all

American conspiracy theorists heads are exploding at an alarming rate as the two main presidential candidates get more and more terrible. "Up until yesterday I was pretty convinced that the reason that Donald Trump was running...

Specsavers Official Sponsors Of WWIII

Specsavers has announced it has signed a two-year deal as official sponsors of the forthcoming World War Three, with effect from mid November. The company beat off stiff competition from other brands keen to associate...

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