Russians say Donald Trump and Mr Blobby never seen in room together

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Russian intelligence leaked today reveal that current and soon to be impeached American president Donald Trump has a very suspicious past. “We look into all our allies,” said Sergi Vasilev, former KGB killer and advisor...

Arsehole dies in Karmic Avalanche

An arsehole died on Saturday in an avalanche of karma whilst trying to piss off and murder a massive angry bull in front of a large crowd of idiots.  The rebalancing of the universe took...
Goldie

Who the fuck is Goldie, asks Banksy

2
The deliberately modest and ultra secretive celebrity, Goldie, yesterday potentially revealed  the identity of serial graffiti artist and liberal metropolitan elite caricature, Banksy, in some interview for some crap. The elusive one time Eastenders...

Samuel L. Jackson agrees to play Trump in upcoming biopic

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It has been announced that veteran Hollywood actor Samuel L. Jackson will play Donald Trump in a biopic scheduled to be released in late 2019. The movie, provisionally titled "Oh shit, we're fucked", will...
Tommy Robinson

‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail

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With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy Robinson Mohammad loves you more than you will know Whoa,...
Bono

Berlin enjoys best U2 gig in years as Bono loses his voice

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It's being dubbed as the greatest U2 concert ever by people who bought tickets but can't work out why. U2 played Berlin last night and had the audience in raptures as the show was ended...
Thatcher in the Rye

Theresa May autobiography ‘Thatcher In The Rye’ for September release

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Controversy was the buzz word in the publishing world today with news that Theresa May has handed in the manuscript for her autobiography "Thatcher In The Rye", scheduled for release in September. Details of the...

Record Turnout for Britain First in Rochdale for The Zestra Three

Chaotic scenes in Rochdale today as tens of thousands of Britain First supporters and other moderate right wing organisations including Pegida, the EDL and the Muslim Brotherhood rallied in support of The Zestra Three...

Idris Elba to play Duke of Wellington

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In what has been seen as an homage to Brexit, Idris Elba is to take on the role of The Duke of Wellington in a new film, "Battle of Waterloo". Although some have called the...
Darth Vader

Ken Loach to direct next Star Wars film ‘Empire on Strike’ as gritty Northern...

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Star Wars fans have been shocked by Disney's announcement that Star Wars episode IX will be directed by Ken Loach, who plans to pivot the sci-fi franchise towards gritty social realism based in a...

Boris Johnson praises BBC for spending £250m on non-existent PPE for the Proms

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Boris Johnson has said that Britain shouldn't be ashamed about the BBC's decision to spend £250m on non-existent PPE for the Last Night of the Proms. Mr Johnson said, "We should be proud that the...

Remember the Wombles? Forgotten 70’s BBC stars found starving in hole in ground

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In their 1970s heyday they topped the charts with popular sing-a-long anthems like "Remember You're a Womble" and "Wombling Merry Christmas." But after the hits dried up and the BBC stopped running the fly-on-the-wall stop...

Gary Glitter releases Christmas single, In the Brownies

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Gary Glitter is releasing a new single in time for the Christmas number 1 battle. The song, a cover version of "In the Brownies" is Glitter's first new material for 3 decades. A spokesman said, "This...

Channel 4 to launch Halal-friendly version of Countdown

Channel 4 has announced plans to launch a 'Halal-friendly' version of its popular quiz show, Countdown. An established favourite with pensioners, students and people who like masturbating to women doing hard sums, the long-running game...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan caught rummaging through bins looking for the smirk that’s been wiped off...

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Voice mail enthusiast and professional shit stirrer, Piers Morgan, has been spotted scouring the bins behind a Lidl in Hammersmith. The toe faced smarm slinger was said to look 'visibly shaken', as he frantically searched...

Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film

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His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga. Warning: contains spoilers Shooting began today for the latest instalment of the long running science fiction saga that has...

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