National News

Her Majesty The Queen has returned to the Balmoral Estate to spend time with her family over the Christmas holiday and will be attending the local church Christmas Day service in time honoured fashion...

On an uncharacteristically serious note we'd like to thank each and every person who has donated or otherwise supported Paul's campaign for The Refugee Council.

Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that means don't you? Christmas!" And "That's me done until January now lol....

Unfortunately an opportunity to have that shit in your family who disagrees with you captive for a few hours is too much for some

Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think it's funny The Rochdale Herald sponsored me And are collecting lots of...

Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too so he should be in his element. The thick bastard. A...

A new version of 'Do they Know is Christmas?' has been released in time for the Christmas number one top spot. The track by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure is the latest of many releases...

Festive upper middle class shoppers in Waitrose were astonished and horrified to learn that the store is run as a workers' collective. Eric Pode (40), a shopper in the Croydon branch and a keen amateur...

Hundreds of thousands of rail passengers face actually going to work as the RMT told Southern Rail employees to actually do their jobs. Staff will walk-in for 48 hours at midnight. A further 24-hour working...

British roadside dining legends Little Chef have decided to make all their breakfasts, including their famous ‘All Day Breakfast’, entirely pork-free following a campaign by ‘hooded foreigners’ who accused them of discrimination and uncleanliness. The...

Acclaimed UKIP historian and shit stirrer extraordinaire, Arron Banks, took to Twitter yesterday to point out that "the Russians didn't invade Afghanistan." The historian and multi-millionaire, who moonlights as the sponsor in chief for the...

Property botherer and dreadful chef Martin Roberts has demanded a recount following his failure to be elected President of the Jungle in this year's 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. Roberts, the celebrity...

Animal rights protesters were today up in arms after the news that the culling of Wombles is to go ahead as recent indications suggest they are rife with TB. The rarely seen pointy nosed golden...

The computer that produces the list of the most popular names given to babies each year has thrown up a remarkable result in its test report.   The leading girls names up to November 30th were...