Trump marks 50 years since Abraham Lincoln walked on Mars

Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars. A spokesman for POTATUS said, "POTATUS meant to mark...
Donald Trump

Bloke who fancies his daughter lies about woman marrying her brother

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A bloke who wants to shag his daughter has suggested that a top US politician should be investigated for marrying her brother. Incest enthusiast and long time friend of...

College Professor assaults Trump supporter

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A college professor in the US has come under fire from leading figures in the Republican Party after he allegedly assaulted a number of completely innocent Trump supporters during a visit to...

Saying racists shouldn’t say racist things is racist against racists, Trump tells Democrats

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Donald Trump has taken Twitter to defend the rights of racists across America to say and do really racist things. "Racists are a minority just like blacks, gays, wops,...
Donald Genius Trump

Donald Trump shits on White House floor after learning Obama uses toilets

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News is emerging this morning that Donald Trump has started defecating on the floor like a dog after learning that Barack Obama uses toilets. Several cleaners in the White...

Remain campaigners thwarted by import shortage of “I Told You So”s

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Anti-Brexit campaigners are suffering from a shortage of "I Told You So"s, as "Project Fear" rapidly swings into "Operation I Told You So", as the UK under our likely new Prime Minister...

Leaked memo from US Embassy in London written in Crayon

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There has been shock amongst diplomatic circles this morning after a leaked memo written in crayon from the US Ambassador in London revealed that a Trump appointed diplomat can read and write.

I don’t care what UK Ambassador thinks of me, says dickhead who won’t shut...

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A giant man dayglo baby who won't stop whining about somebody who said some mean things about him has declared on Twitter that he doesn't care what people think of him.
Trump

You had some very fine people on both sides, Trump tells D-Day veterans

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Donald Trump has told D-Day veterans that there were very fine people on both sides of the battles to control the Normandy Beaches during World War Two during a press conference in...

US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...

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Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the year than mass shootings in America. "It's super! I genuinely can't...

Sponsorship deal agreed for new Emirates Notre Dame Cathedral

Following the destruction of popular prayer centre Notre Dame Cathedral, the Pope and President Macron jointly announced today that the gothic edifice would be rebuilt without delay, after the Catholic Church and the French...

God refuses to put out Notre Dame fire until he gets 100,000 likes =...

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The 14th century cathedral has already lost one of its spires and a large section of roof in the blaze after a fire broke out around 18:00 this evening. Hundreds of thousands of Catholics around...

Notre Dame Cathedral fire caused by unattended Chip pan in bell tower

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Parisian fire fighters are currently battling a roaring fire at the Notre Dame cathedral. The fire has caused one of the medieval spires and a large section of the gothic roof to collapse. Early reports suggest...
Trump Air Force one

Former military cadet fulfils lifelong ambition to visit Vietnam despite agonisingly debilitating bonespurs

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A former military cadet has finally fulfilled his dream to visit Vietnam despite suffering from debilitating bonespurs. The man, now in his seventies, is said to have been gutted...
Calendar

Latest theory on the structure of the Gregorian calendar revealed.

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Following alleged intense research on the part of our Ace reporter, The Rochdale Herald is able to reveal the latest acadamic theory surrounding the construction of Gregorian Calendar. Professor Archimest Binge, of the Rochdale University,...

Trump’s Wall to be Made Out of Thoughts and Prayers

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The latest twist in the ongoing farcical shitshow that is the US President's attempt to build an completely pointless wall simply because he said he would, in order to trick idiots into voting for...

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