Dianne Abbott assures voters she’s feeling better after taking a Paracetamol

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Dianne Abbott, the MP for Stoke Newington and The Shadow Secretary for Health, has assured both parliament and her constituents that she has almost completely recovered from having a bit of a headache.
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Leamington to become post Brexit English capital

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The Warwickshire town of Leamington could become the new English capital following the United Kingdom's departure from the European union, sources close to prime...
A "xenophobic" Englishman listening to Nicola Sturgeon

English All Xenophobic Wankers – says Nicola Sturgeon without Hint of Irony

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Nicola Sturgeon will today claim that “Godless English Imperial filth” are using Brexit as a “licence for xenophobia” and that the English “are secretly working to not be considered Wankers by absolutely everyone.”

Having cake and eating it disappointment intensifies

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A group of Rochdale toddlers are stamping their feet and crying after they were told that they cannot have their cake and eat it. The...
Trump in a barrel

American lawmakers to submerge Donald Trump in barrel of water to see if he...

8
It was announced today via The USA news site that Donald Trump will be immersed in a barrel of water to see if he...

Rochdale UKIP councillor demands best of three for  Re-Referendum

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Following the announcement that Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith has promised to hold a second referendum on Brexit if he topples Jeremy Corbyn in the upcoming...

Khan To Rebuild Wall

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Sadiq Khan, flanked by millions of people of various ethnic backgrounds who by and large couldn't give a flying shit where each other is...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump to let Donald Trump fail now as it will be a lot...

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Donald Trump has decided to extend his executive decision concerning repealing Obamacare to his entire presidency. It is believed the most successful man ever to...

Michael Gove says Brexit is “like a box of chocolates…”

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The Brexit negotiations have been tentative, at best, with British MPs doing their darndest not to get absolutely battered in the process. Unfortunately, Britain’s...

Immortan Joe assures War Boys Post-Apocalyptic Desert Dystopia less chaotic than Brexit

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Gas Town will not be "plunged into a Brexit style world borrowed from dystopian fiction" after the nuclear winter, Immortan Joe has said today.
Theresa May

May: Difference between migrants and refugees is we don’t want either

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Theresa May has said that refugees should settle in the first safe country they come to, rather than travel through several countries, and has...
Corbyn

Sacha Baron-Cohen amazed no one has seen through his Jeremy Corbyn character

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Sacha Baron-Cohen has expressed amazement that no one has twigged that he is the man behind the character 'Jeremy Corbyn'. "I wanted to play with...
Theresa May

Theresa May thrilled that Russia thinks she’s competent enough to stage poisoning

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Bill Board, spokesman for the Government, has told The Rochdale Herald that Theresa May is privately thrilled that the Russian Government has accused her...

Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA

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Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...

Farage To Sell Knighthood

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Sir Nigel Farage surprised many in the realm this morning when he put his newly acquired knighthood up for sale on eBay. "I was going...
Boris Johnson

Asda Self-service checkout till beats Boris Johnson at Scrabble

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Scientists from Rochdale College have developed an artificially intelligent self service till that beat Boris Johnson at Scrabble.  Dr Frederick Seddon said, "We were wanting...

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