Slightly right leaning liberal centrist wishes everybody would just piss off

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Slightly right leaning liberal centrists declared publicly today that they wish everybody would just piss off. "I wish everybody would just piss off." Bob "Bobby"...

Sturgeon First Reserve for Brexit Talks Peter Duncan

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Theresa May has committed to involving all "key stakeholders and significant leaders" in a working group on the UK's Brexit strategy.

Momentum Youth Wing nothing like Hitler Youth, insist Momentum

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The new Momentum Youth Wing that has been proposed will be nothing like the Hitler Youth Momentum and Corbyn are insisting. "Well obviously they're nothing...

First man to read entire Maastricht Treaty declares it “A Bugger’s Muddle”

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A British diplomat who began reading the Maastricht Treaty on the 6th February 1992 "just in case" finished the entire manuscript on Sunday Evening.

UKIP Needs Image Change, Says Rest of UK.

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The UK has today agreed with former UKIP leadership challenger Suzanne Evans when she said the party needed an image change. Preferably to a...

Jeremy Corbyn’s conference speech just him saying “Oh Jeremy Corbyn” for 1 hour

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Jeremy Corbyn's conference speech has been rapturously received by conference delegates. The speech consisted solely of Corbyn repeating the line, "Oh Jeremy Corbyn" for a...

Khan To Rebuild Wall

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Sadiq Khan, flanked by millions of people of various ethnic backgrounds who by and large couldn't give a flying shit where each other is...

Theresa May makes audacious bid for Jorge Mendes to replace David Davis.

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With the transfer window now open, Theresa May is expected to make David Davis available for transfer whilst putting in a bid for Jorge...

Yemenis Grateful That Britain Tidying Up Arms Deals

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 Ordinary Yemenis have taken a break from being killed by British and American bombs and weapons to thank the British Government for tightening up...
Theresa May

Theresa May to change name to Votey McVoteface to secure youth vote

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Prime Minister Theresa May will change her name to Votey McVoteface ahead of this Thursday's general election. With the election a matter of hours away...

John McDonnell caught on film pushing Diane Abbott under bus while out jogging

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John McDonell has been embroiled in a bizarre cover up involving himself and Diane Abbot
Hungry

Do I still get lunch asks hungry 6 year old

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In light of the slim Conservative majority, primary school children up and down the nation awake today uncertain of their future meal prospects. "Will I...
Theresa May

Nah, I said smashed through a field of weed fam, claims PM

18
There’s bare girl jobs and mandem jobs, you feel me? “When’d all y’all start getting so disrespectful?” said Theresa May yesterday. “Maybe it was that Lord...
Amazon

Amazon reports increase in sales of knives and sharpeners in run-up to Conference Season

2
Politicians up and down the country have been inundating Amazon with orders for back-stabbing knives, hatchets, whetstones and sharpening steels as they ready themselves...

Dianne Abbott assures voters she’s feeling better after taking a Paracetamol

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Dianne Abbott, the MP for Stoke Newington and The Shadow Secretary for Health, has assured both parliament and her constituents that she has almost completely recovered from having a bit of a headache.
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Leamington to become post Brexit English capital

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The Warwickshire town of Leamington could become the new English capital following the United Kingdom's departure from the European union, sources close to prime...

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