Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday
Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...
Theresa May unable to un-grit her teeth after assuring Boris that he can keep...
Number 10 have confirmed today that Theresa May’s teeth are well and truly gritted and not coming unstuck anytime soon.
Whilst seen as a potential...
Britain First Announces Pact With Lizard People
Britain First, the right-wing political party for twats of all ages, has announced a revolutionary partnership with The Lizard People, a secretive reptilian group of aliens...
Dianne Abbott assures voters she’s feeling better after taking a Paracetamol
Dianne Abbott, the MP for Stoke Newington and The Shadow Secretary for Health, has assured both parliament and her constituents that she has almost completely recovered from having a bit of a headache.
The Big Fat Secret Santa Update – 1,024 presents in first 24 hours
Yesterday we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network and Angry People in...
Psychic World Cup octopus Rabio sleeps with the fishes
Psychic Rabio set to bring joy to many Japanese football fans despite the national team's recent World Cup exit.
While the Japanese football team face...
Nobel Prize winning Physicist trying to delete U2’s album from iTunes
One of the winners of the 2019 Nobel Prize in Physics, Michel Mayor has told the Rochdale Herald that despite his award being announced...
Bruce Forsyth ‘can’t wait’ to draw his pension
Following the news today that the government of the United Kingdom will shortly be raising the retirement age to 168 years old Bruce Forsyth...
Goebbels didn’t like satire either – satirists tell Zuckerberg
As the entire world struggles to unravel themselves from their twisted knickers following the surprise election of a sexist satsuma to the Whitehouse satirists have come under fire from Google and Facebook for writing fake news, otherwise known as fiction.
Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover
Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown.
Researchers were observing the effect...
Beards Not Cool After All
24 hours after we exclusively revealed that beards were still cool, the International Facial Hair Council has declared that beards are no longer the...
Paul Nuttall Converted To Islam
Paul Nuttall has retracted a claim on his Facebook page from 2009 that
he converted to Islam after sharing a kebab with Mohammed Ali.
"I never...
Blade Runner sequel to be every bit as good as Prometheus
The news that the sequel to Sci Fi classic Blade Runner is being banged together finally made the news today after a worker was...
Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security
The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security.
"We are sorry...
ISIS applies for FIFA membership
The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.
In a surprise move, they hope to be...
May rains on International Happiness Day with Brexit announcement
March 20th has long been designated International Happiness Day, a day to celebrate all that is good about life in the 21st century.
However there...
