I am truly above the law, confirms giant-toothed, flappy-eared, demon-eyed, shithouse, fuckmonger
What’s your favourite type of monger?
Picture him:
Swooping down from the sky astride a yellowing American Eagle, the political shitehawk persuades his steed to loosen...
Sports Personality of the Year changed to ‘Sportsperson’ After Trade Descriptions Probe
The BBC has announced that their annual jockfest 'Sports Personality of the Year' is to be renamed 'Sportsperson of the Year' following an investigation...
Farage delighted to be named UK’s top racist
Following numerous occasions where he was always the bridesmaid, Nigel Farage is now delighted to be at the top of his tree in his...
Lannisters appoint Michael Gove as Minister for Backstabbing
Rumours swirling about Westminster Green today suggest Michael Gove has been successfully headhunted by a recruitment specialist operating out of Westeros.
It's believed Mr Gove...
Farron Accepts Offer of Education Secretary As May Offers Anti-Brexit Coaltion
Tim Farron spoke of his relief this evening as he accepted Theresa May's offer of a coalition government on the condition of an anti-Brexit...
Tories to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals
The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals.
Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research...
Senior Brexiter demands white York roses repainted Tudor rose for sake of national unity
A senior Brexiter has demanded that all of York’s white roses should be repainted as classic red and white Tudor roses for the sake...
Donald Trump commemorative jigsaws to have missing pieces by design
The White House has confirmed that the new range of Trump jigsaw puzzles, commemorating the President's achievements in office, are deliberately missing several pieces.
The...
I’m President of what? Asks Donald Trump
After the shock of winning the popularity contest "President Factor", President elect Trump has now talked about his next career move. We asked him...
David Cameron disappointed history will not judge him by his shed
David Cameron was seen seeking the comfort of his many inherited bank accounts this afternoon after a wounding and very personal setback.
The event appears...
John Inverdale to host ‘Dog Toy or Sex Toy’ at Wimbledon this year
The BBC have announced that John Inverdale will present a dog toy or sextoy game during rain delays at this year's Wimbledon championships.
The move comes...
Sacha Baron-Cohen amazed no one has seen through his Jeremy Corbyn character
Sacha Baron-Cohen has expressed amazement that no one has twigged that he is the man behind the character 'Jeremy Corbyn'.
"I wanted to play with...
Austerity horror as Samantha Cameron admits to sending her cook to Aldi
Samantha Cameron has triggered an outpouring of concern this morning with the revelation that she has had to send cook to Aldi.
And it gets...
Trump insists the audience for his resignation speech will be bigger than Sean Spicers
Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own.
Trump tweeted that, "Spicer was a...
New Tony Blair character in Cluedo, cannot be accused
Exciting news for fans of the classic board game Cluedo as a new character is to be introduced! That character is no other than former...
Woman killed by drinking mineral water 15 minutes older than best before date
A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date.
Police told the Herald that...
