Man on cocaine has best idea ever

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Barry Inferness, a 34 year old brick layer from Scotland made the discovery at a house party in Smallbridge last week; "A just thought, yer...
Theresa May

May dissolves Parliament and calls snap General Election

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Theresa May has called a snap general election claiming that divisions at Westminster risked hampering the Brexit negotiations. The Prime Minister will require the support...

We’re not racist we want fewer white Polish faces too, Brexiters tell Vince...

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Brexiters have taken umbrage at Vince Cable's suggestion that they'd like to see more white faces. Cliff Edge, a red man who normally speaks in...

Jabba The Hutt denies allegations he’s ever been a movie producer

The interstellar crime boss and CEO of Tatooine’s largest cartel has gone on the record to deny allegations that he has ever received a...
Tardis

Parallel dimension parking ‘trickier than it looks’ says new Doctor Who

In a shocking confirmation of what arseholes up and down the country have been saying for hours, the new Doctor has fucked it already...

May To Choose Baby To Kiss During Campaign By Enforced National Raffle

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Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle...

Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism

Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...
Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists warn against wearing Ukrainian underpants because Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.

Jeremy Corbyn to cross floor to lead the Conservative Party

6
Written off as a hopeless loser, terrorist supporter and left-wing extremist at the start of last week's general election campaign, Jeremy Corbyn has risen...

Grenfell Tower survivors offer Michael Gove their last five pounds to bugger off

6
Survivors of the Grenfell Tower disaster suffered a further shock last night when esteemed Tory minister Michael Gove was spotted in the vicinity. It's believed...

Melania Trump reveals her favourite iPod Playlist

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In an exclusive interview with The Rochdale Herald the former Eastern European 'model' and wife of President Elect Donald Trump revealed her favourite iPod playlist.

Universities to charge £4K a year for fruit picking courses to prepare students for...

38
In proposals aimed to meet the agricultural sector’s labour needs post Brexit universities will be allowed to charge up to £4K a year for...

British man understands American football

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A man from Newquay in Cornwall has revealed that he actually understands American football. With the BBC proclaiming that the Monday after the Hyperbole, or...

Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people

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Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people. One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...
Ant and Dec

Ant or Dec to present Saturday Night Takeaway without Ant or Dec

Ant or Dec is going to present ITV's Saturday Night Takeaway on his or his own for the rest of this series, it has...
Corbyn

Labour plans to make unions transfer power to workers

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Large unions would be forced to transfer as much as 10 percent of their voting rights to workers under plans set out by the...

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