Miliband secures votes of hen-pecked husbands and nagging wives by doing housework for votes

0
Ed Miliband has vowed to do the dishes, take the rubbish out to the bin and mow lawns for every member in his North Doncaster...
Houses of Parliament

Government exempts itself from report on racism

4
The Government quickly moved to exempt itself from the report released yesterday which found major inequalities on racial grounds in UK organisations. Speaking without...
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney retires from International Football to spend more time with other people’s grandmas

27
Wayne Rooney has announced that he intends to spend more time with other peoples grandmothers after retiring from international football. Rooney explained, "I've been all...

McCartney soils himself in public, again

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McCartney has once again made a huge arse of himself in public, this time by taking a shit with his clothes on in the...
Sun Journalist

BBC releases SHOCKING photo of Sun journalist doing JOURNALISM

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The BBC have released what are being termed as, "shocking" photographs of Sun newspaper journalists committing acts of journalism and accurate reporting. Stan Still said,...
Old Graduate

University of Life under investigation as graduates don’t understand basic legal principles

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The University of Life's School of Law is under investigation today after a study found that 98% of its graduates don't understand the basic...

Nuttall Calls For Ban On Dwarfism

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UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has caused outrage today by Issuing a call for a ban on dwarves and "midgets and really just anyone suspiciously...

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

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Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that...

Danczuk not immolated in Bonfire accident

Rochdale Herald readers will be disappointed to hear that the rumours that pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk MP immolated himself lighting a bonfire in July...

Theresa May’s constant turning catches attention of the Royal Ballet

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Theresa May has once again been forced into a U turn on policy, this time on the so called 'Dementia Tax'.  It comes after a series...

Trump to produce new range of fragrances

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Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes. The first daughter said "This new range reflects...

Mary Berry to retire from television

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With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement...
pippa

Pippa Middleton topless photos break internet

Still recovering from the profound damage caused by that picture of Kim Kardashian's arse a while back, the Interweb was dealt yet another bitter...
Goldie

Who the fuck is Goldie, asks Banksy

2
The deliberately modest and ultra secretive celebrity, Goldie, yesterday potentially revealed  the identity of serial graffiti artist and liberal metropolitan elite caricature, Banksy, in...
Paul Nuttall

Huddersfield Town sign Paul Nuttall for a record fee

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The journeyman striker was signed for an undisclosed amount, although it is "considerably more" than the previous record fee of forty Rothmans and a...

Crystal Maze to return as literally no ideas left

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The Crystal Maze is set to return our screens, again; "The barrel has no bottom. There's nothing left to scrape anymore. This is it." Said...

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