Thousands dead in Daily Mail Olympics tragedy

Thousands of Daily Mail readers are dead today after their heads exploded whilst reading the rag's coverage of the Olympics. Mild confusion over the juxtaposition...

Daily Mail editor on suicide watch as rumours of Mo Farah knighthood circulate

There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at...

NEWS FLASH – Mo Farah out of 10,000 Metres

On the eve of the Olympic 10,000 Metres Mo Farah has dramatically retired from running. Maurice Farah, 58 and owner of Streamline Taxis on the...

Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover

The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world...

Balding just 2 Gold medals away from on air orgasm

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BBC sports anchor and part time Eddie Izzard lookalike Claire Balding is quite literally on the edge of making TV history by being the...
Darts

Rochdale shock at non-inclusion of ancient sport of darts in Olympics

There has been a furious reaction today at the exclusion of the ancient sport of "arrows" in the Rio Olympics today. The worshipful brethren...

Daily Mail readers push uphill for Gardner

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Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French"...

Canoeist wins Olympic Gold for canoeing

A canoeist fulfilled a lifetime's ambition last night after winning Olympic Gold for Britain in Rio. The Rochdale Herald would like to congratulate the canoeist...
Trump furious to learn Farage isn't 'King of England'

Trump Demands IOC Accept Extreme Vetting Into Next Olympics

Merkin-topped braggart and presidential candidate Donald Trump is demanding that extreme vetting become an accepted Olympic sport. Although media have interpreted his remarks on extreme...

All your medals belong to us – Says China

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As the country basks in the glory of Team GB's second place in the Olympic medal table, China released a press statement saying, "The People's...

Rose Gold for afternoon strolls

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After a 112 year wait to prove how good we are at walking slowly around a park Britain's Justin Rose yesterday casually sealed gold...

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