Daily Mail readers push uphill for Gardner

Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French" for a post Brexit team GB. Echoing the move which has...
Darts

Rochdale shock at non-inclusion of ancient sport of darts in Olympics

There has been a furious reaction today at the exclusion of the ancient sport of "arrows" in the Rio Olympics today. The worshipful brethren of Morris dancers and arrow throwers today issued a statement...

Canoeist wins Olympic Gold for canoeing

A canoeist fulfilled a lifetime's ambition last night after winning Olympic Gold for Britain in Rio. The Rochdale Herald would like to congratulate the canoeist who won a medal alongside fellow Olympian Tom Daley, who...

Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover

The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world record breaking Team Pursuit team on the cover of the...

NEWS FLASH – Mo Farah out of 10,000 Metres

On the eve of the Olympic 10,000 Metres Mo Farah has dramatically retired from running. Maurice Farah, 58 and owner of Streamline Taxis on the Oldham Road in Rochdale, has announced that he will not...

Balding just 2 Gold medals away from on air orgasm

BBC sports anchor and part time Eddie Izzard lookalike Claire Balding is quite literally on the edge of making TV history by being the first sports presenter to reach sexual climax live on air. Week...

Diver and Synchronised Partner win Olympic Gold

In a bizarre twist that no one seems to understand, two unknown divers who were neither Tom Daley nor his synchronised diving partner have won gold for GB in the 3m spring board event...

Team GB get the Trotts

Charlotte Dujardin became the second woman to win three Olympic gold medals today when she came first in the "Horse Dancing" contest this afternoon. A "close personal friend" of cyclist Laura Trott, who became...

Thousands dead in Daily Mail Olympics tragedy

Thousands of Daily Mail readers are dead today after their heads exploded whilst reading the rag's coverage of the Olympics. Mild confusion over the juxtaposition between the length of Helen Skelton's skirt and the Egyptian...

Trott and Kenny in controversial Team GB breeding program

Great British track cycling heroes Laura Trott and Jason Kenny, who between them own ten Olympic Gold medals, are to take part in the UK's first ever Olympics breeding programme designed to spawn the...

Lord Sauron announces IOC leadership bid

In a move heralded as a new, cleaner era for the International Olympics Committee Lord Sauron announced announced his candidacy for the presidency of  the movement during the opening ceremony of the Rio 2016...

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