There has been a furious reaction today at the exclusion of the ancient sport of “arrows” in the Rio Olympics today. The worshipful brethren of Morris dancers and arrow throwers today issued a statement decrying the decision.

“Arrows is an integral part of Rochdalian culture that can be traced back to the time of the runes.

It is a rite of passage to be able to imbibe several pints of mead and then hit a hogs-hair board with a silver-point.
The fact that discus throwing and the hop, skip and jump is included is a slap in the face for our culture”

An Olympic committee official has responded by text message with a statement.

“Whilst we respect the cultures of all regions of the World, we have a pre-agreed number of speciality sports we can include at each event.

Unfortunately getting drunk and throwing darts conflicts with our ideals of promoting good health. If this had including eating McDonalds or drinking Coca-Cola then we may have had some leeway for negotiations and flexibility. ”

The next biennial Rochdale darts tournament will continue as normal in the Poacher’s Pocket public house on the famed Rochdale this November. Dennis will be the designated coach driver.