Francis Aston
Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.*
*Not all of these necessarily true.
Dead burglar to get state funeral
A Rochdale burglar who was killed whilst at work will receive a state funeral.
Councillor Tom Walsh said, "This man wasn't any old burgular. He...
Man discovers he’s middle aged after getting neck injury whilst putting jumper on
A Rochdale man has come to the realisation he's middle aged after sustaining a neck injury whilst putting on a jumper.
Stan Still, 38, said,...
Fears sugar tax could mean bottom falls out of mobility scooter market
The British mobility scooter industry has warned that it could see a huge drop in production of mobility scooters following the introduction of the...
Queen undergoes Duke of Edinburgh replacement operation
The Queen has undergone a successful operation to have the Duke of Edinburgh replaced.
Doctors at King Charle's hospital in London said the operation had...
Yulia Skripal leaves Zizzi’s Salisbury 1 star TripAdvisor review
Yulia Skripal has left her first TripAdvisor review since being poisoned last month.
Ms Skripal said, "I was in the country visiting my father in...
Asda Self-service checkout till beats Boris Johnson at Scrabble
Scientists from Rochdale College have developed an artificially intelligent self service till that beat Boris Johnson at Scrabble.
Dr Frederick Seddon said, "We were wanting...
Queen announces Prince Harry will become King of the USA following wedding to Meghan...
The Queen has announced that she exercise her right to crown Prince Harry and Meghan Markle King and Queen of the USA.
During the announcement...
Everyone on Facebook expert in analytical chemistry all of a sudden
Everyone on Facebook is now an expert in analytical chemistry it has been revealed.
The news comes after scientists at Porton Down revealed that they...
Rochdale man who can’t explain what his job is tells people he’s a drug...
A Rochdale man who got tired of struggling to explain what his job is, so that people could understand what he does, now just...
People urged to buy nuclear submarines to boost jobs in Barrow
People are being urged to buy nuclear submarines as part of a strategy to reduce the effects of poverty in Barrow-in-Furness.
The call comes on...
Jesus admits, hollow easter eggs represent my empty promises
Jesus has clarified that hollow chocolate eggs symbolise the hollowness and empty promises at the heart of all religions.
Jesus, or "The Light", as he...
Harry and Meghan choose poisonous flowers for wedding as symbol of their love
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced they've chosen to symbolise their love with poisonous flowers.
Digitalis or, Foxgloves as they're more commonly known will...
Jeremy Corbyn branded anti-Semitic after celebrating crucifixion of Jewish man
Jeremy Corbyn has been forced to deny further allegations of anti-Semitism after being spotted celebrating the crucifixion of a Jewish man.
The Jewish man in...
Jesus admits to slamming doors of heaven on Jehovah’s Witnesses
There was consternation today as Jesus revealed to The Rochdale Herald that he slams the doors of heaven in the faces of Jehovah's Witnesses.
Jesus...
Theresa May thrilled that Russia thinks she’s competent enough to stage poisoning
Bill Board, spokesman for the Government, has told The Rochdale Herald that Theresa May is privately thrilled that the Russian Government has accused her...
Michael Barrymore to present I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here
Michael Barrymore is to present the next series of, "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here".
The new series will see contestants head to...
