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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.

What’s the fuss, I loved playing sardines with nanny

Boris Johnson has met Jeremy Corbyn's attack on the Conservative's record on education today with incredulity.
British Transport Police

Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...

A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn rules out coalition with Labour MPs

Jeremy Corbyn took the bold move today to rule out a coalition with SNP, The Greens, The Liberal Democrats and any of the politicians in The Labour Party. Talking to...

Jeremy Corbyn confirmed as contestant for Strictly Come Dancing 2017

It's shaping up to be another great year for Strictly Come Dancing as yet another political star is confirmed on the line up to...

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck Corbyn tells press conference

Jeremy Corbyn met a press conference today to tell the British public exactly how delighted he is that Theresa May has called a snap...

Chinese cardboard rocket manufacturers report bumper earnings following Korean military parades

Manufacturers of gigantic cardboard rockets and inflatable tanks have reported record profits for April following Kim Jong Un's massive display of military force. "It's been...
Erdogan

Turkish referendum definitely not rigged, says head of the Turkish Electoral Commission Recep Erdogan

The Head of the Turkish Electoral Commission has put to rest rumours of vote rigging in Sunday's referendum to give almost unlimited powers to...
Kelvin Mackenzie South Yorkshire Police

Kelvin Mackenzie is a bellend says South Yorkshire Police

South Yorkshire Police have taken the bold move to publicly call the former editor of the The Sun, Kelvin Mackenzie a "complete bellend" over...
House Price

Rochdale Residents excited at house price rises in Post-Apocalypse Britain

Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in...

Turkish voters refuse to believe Erdogan a dictator till they see it written on...

Turkish voters across the country are still refusing to believe that Erdogan is an autocratic dictator despite the fact that he's locked up all...

Luftwaffe didn’t tell Hitler about every bomb dropped, just sayin, Spicer tells press corps

Sean Spicer has put rumours to rest that Hawkish generals in the United States military are deploying military assets without Presidential authorisation. "Look I know...
Jesus Good Friday

Good Friday wasn’t one of my best Fridays admits Jesus

Jesus H Christ has taken to social media in support of Tesco saying that, despite claims by religious extremists Good Friday was actually a...
Trump

Trump turns down White House sexual harassment course because ‘I’m already pretty good at...

News broke this morning that Donald Trump has turned down an offer from the White House human resources department to attend a special course...

Study finds 112% of people can’t tell difference between real and fake news

A study by the prestigious department of Idiocy and General Fuckwittery at the World famous Rochdale Community University has revealed that between 111% and 112% of all people who use social media can't tell the difference between real and fake news.
Melania Trump

Melania did not have sex with horrible old men for money admits Daily Mail

The Daily Mail have gone on the record today to say that Melania Trump did not and never has had sex with any horrible...

Melania Trump is nothing like Eva Braun, she didn’t get tits out for money...

Sean Spicer has put his foot in mouth again today by accidentally drawing comparisons between Hitler's wife, Eva Braun, and the First Lady, Melania...

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