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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.
Baby

Adolf tops list of most popular baby names for boys in USA in 2017

For the first time in almost fifty years the name Adolf is topping the lists for most popular baby names in the United States...

We did have a Kermit at protest insist violent alt-left anti-Nazi protestors

The anti-Nazi protestors who were in Charlottesville over the weekend have responded furiously to Donald Trump's remarks this morning releasing a statement which read. "We...
Trump Family KKK Photograph

Donald Trump tells world press there were good people at White Supremacist Rally

Donald Trump told a press conference that there were good people amongst the white supremacists and Neo-Nazis at the Charlottesville Unite the Right protest...
Kids Tattoo Studio

FURY as Tattoo Studio for children opens in Rochdale

Members of the public have reacted with OUTRAGE at the news that a new tattoo studio for babies and toddlers has opened in Rochdale town centre.
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said...
Liam Fox

Liam Fox signs first trade agreement with Mexican Cartel to import 1,000 tons of...

The Secretary of State for International Trade, Liam Fox, was thrilled to announce this week the first trade agreement for a post-Brexit Britain. The historic...
Jeremy Clarkson

Racist arsehole in Spanish hospital after falling ill with pneumonia

A violent, egomaniacal racist arsehole is being treated for pneumonia after being admitted to hospital in Majorca.

World in shock as man with history of taking steroids runs faster than bloke...

The World is in shock today after a bloke who has a well documented history of taking performance enhancing drugs ran a bit faster than a bloke who doesn't.
Cathedral City

Cathedral City Cheddar not the best cheddar ‘just fucking unavoidable’ say consumers

According to consumers in Rochdale Cathedral City Cheddar is not the best cheddar, it’s just completely unavoidable. A survey of all of the fridges in...
Newborn Baby

Newborn baby carefully plans the most inconvenient time to scream the house down

A newborn baby is deliberately planning the most inconvenient time to either shit himself or start screaming for no reason. Lancashire-born newborn dickhead Barry Dickinson...
Scared Office Worker

Stop calling people cocks you dick, White House HR Department tells Anthony Scaramucci

The White House HR Department has asked their latest recruit Anthony Scaramucci, the new White House Communications Director, to please, please, please stop calling...

Theresa May wins ‘Person Most Surprised Theresa May is Prime Minister’ Award seventh week...

Theresa May is said to be thrilled this morning to have won the all party "Person Most Surprised Theresa May is still Prime Minister...

Whatever gave you the impression I will deal with student debt asks man who...

A man who distinctly said that he’d “deal with” student debt during an interview with the NME is curious to know why everybody was...
Fast Train

Petition to slow trains to Birmingham to walking pace hits 70 million signatures

A petition to slow down trains headed to Birmingham from London has hit almost 70 million signatures in under two hours today. “Why on Earth...
George RR Martin

George RR Martin ‘very excited’ to find out what happens in next season of...

The award winning author and Terry Pratchet impersonator George RR Martin has revealed to The Rochdale Herald that he is very excited to find...

Chilcot stuns world with news that Pope is catholic

Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain’s greatest wartime leader...

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