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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.

It’s not my fault there aren’t enough Marxists to win a by election insists...

Following Labour's disastrous defeat in The Copeland by-election Jeremy Corbyn has responded to criticisms of his leadership of The Labour Party by assuring everybody it has nothing to do with his politics or his leadership.

Thousands injured after Hypocrisy Bomb detonates at Daily Mail Headquarters

Thousands of Daily Mail employees were left hideously disfigured after an extremist hypocrisy bomb detonated under their lair at Northcliffe House.

Southern Trains to rebrand as Southern Replacement Bus Service

There was more great news for commuters across the Southeast after Trading Standards and the Advertising Standards authority waded in on the long running Southern Trains dispute.

Not enough young gay men commit suicide say arseholes in Anglican Synod

The utterly irrelevant small minded patronising pricks, bitches and utter arseholes in the Anglican Synod have said that not enough vulnerable young men kill themselves every year.

Apology

We recently ran an article stating that Donald Trump's half brother was recently murdered in Kuala Lumpur by state security forces. It was actually Kim...

JK Rowling dedicates next book Harry Potter and The Dead Girl’s Voicemail to Piers...

JK Rowling has dedicated the next instalment of the global phenomenon Harry Potter to Piers Morgan.

Stop being rebellious formerly rebellious Labour rebel tells rebellious Labour rebels

The formerly rebellious Labour rebel, Jeremy Corbyn, has told rebellious Labour rebels to stop being rebellious or else.

Dianne Abbott assures voters she’s feeling better after taking a Paracetamol

Dianne Abbott, the MP for Stoke Newington and The Shadow Secretary for Health, has assured both parliament and her constituents that she has almost completely recovered from having a bit of a headache.

Thickos more likely to believe any old bollocks scientists reveal

Scientists at Rochdale Community university have discovered that thickos will believe pretty much anything they see on Facebook

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.

Patriots actually just thick twats scientists prove

Scientists at Rochdale's Community University have proven conclusively that people identifying themselves on social media as "Patriots" are actually just thick twats.

We’re nothing like Trump Supporters insist lone wolves

Lone wolves are said to be up in arms this afternoon after CNN compared them to Trump Supporter and Canadian mosque shooter Alexandre Bissonnette.

Brexit voter furious he can’t get tee off time at Golf Club he is...

Local Brexit voter, Steve Dickinson, is said to be furious with Manchester Golf Club after discovering he can't get the tee off times he wants since letting his membership lapse.

Canada and Mexico to build border walls if World Bank will fund a lid

The governments of Canada and Mexico reached an historic agreement today to build 50 foot tall walls along their borders with the US on the proviso that the World Bank lends them the money for a lid.

Donald Trump’s penis is largest the world has ever seen says Donald Trump

Donald Trump has asked his propaganda secretary, Sean Spicer, to assure The White House press corps that President Trump's penis is "the largest penis in the history of penises. Period!"

Sturgeon gives birth to kittens as court rules Scottish Parliament won’t be consulted on...

Nicola Sturgeon is recovering after unexpectedly going into labour and giving birth to a litter of kittens at Holyrood this afternoon.

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