Quentin D Fortesqueue
Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.
Panic grips nation as Britain realises Boris is in charge
Supermarkets across the land are fast running out of canned goods and bottled water and survivalist websites across the world are crashing as thousands...
Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover
The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world...
Daily Mail readers die from apoplexy after Muslim Immigrant wins Gold
Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m...
Southern Rail raise prices by £40 to pay for new Indian style trains to...
Beleaguered train operator Southern Rail has unveiled an ambitious new programme of investment to address overcrowding issues on commuter routes into London.
The strike beset...
Shortcake is nuttier than fruitcake – Parliamentary Inquiry finds
In another extraordinary turn of events in Australian, "She'll be right mate" politics, opposition leader, William Shortcake has been ridiculed in a Parliamentary Inquiry...
Southern Rail and RMT make historic deal
The RMT and Southern Rail have finally called an end to hostilities and announced, to the dismay of passengers, that normal services will resume...
NEWS FLASH – Mo Farah out of 10,000 Metres
On the eve of the Olympic 10,000 Metres Mo Farah has dramatically retired from running.
Maurice Farah, 58 and owner of Streamline Taxis on the...
Labour MP Needs To Bathe In Ocean
Wanky-named cod impersonator and Labour MP Thangar Debonairre (ironically in charge of modern culture!) was recently told to "Get in the sea," by a...
The Australian Federal Opposition has called for a Royal Commission into Royal Commissions
In an extraordinary turn of events in Australia Opposition Immigration Minister Aidan Androyd has declared the "necessity for this Royal Commission."
"Well, I tried to...
IOC Vote Against New American Sport in 2020 Olympics
The USA's hopes to add another pointlessly American sport to the 2020 Olympic have been dashed by the IOC due to concerns over the...
Labour NEC can take your money and run – rules court of appeal
The NEC of the Labour Party has won on appeal its right to lie its arse off in order to get three quid out...
Local man in critical condition after accidentally hearing Vanessa Feltz on the radio
A local man is in a critical but stable condition at Rochdale General Infirmary after accidentally driving off a bridge into the River Roch...
M1 & M6 become sentient
The Department for Transport has today revealed that its works to upgrade sections of the M6 and M1 to 'Smart' motorways have taken so...
Britain’s first halal food bank to open in Rochdale
News that the UK's first halal food bank is to open in Rochdale this week was greeted enthusiastically by local residents and village elders...
Piers Morgan behaves like a d**k on Twitter, again
Piers Morgan has taken to Twitter to characteristically behave like an utter tit today.
Morgan, whose only physical accomplishment of note was to fall off...
Twitter Definitely Closing Down Next Year
Rumours that Twitter is to close for good in 2019 were confirmed today by some random user.
"I kno sm1 on inside. #Twitter defo closing...
