A local man is in a critical but stable condition at Rochdale General Infirmary after accidentally driving off a bridge into the River Roch this afternoon.

Steve Dickinson (39 and a half) was on his way back from the chiropractor having messed up his back in the gym earlier this week when he turned on the radio.

“It was that idiot on Radio One Scott Mills that started it. I really can’t bear him. I changed channel, landed on Radio 2 and heard Vanessa Feltz ask somebody the same question about swimming with seals three times. It was involuntary, I shut my eyes and whispered ‘oh for fuck’s sake’ and the next thing I know I’m in the back of a helicopter on my way here. My chiropractor is going to be delighted.”

A spokesman for Greater Rochdale Police released a statement saying;

“Steve was lucky to have only fallen thirty feet into a river. If he had been listening to Steve Wright In The Afternoon he may have found himself driving into oncoming traffic. Please do not drive or operate heavy machinery whilst listening to Radio 2.”