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Sebastian Wiesel

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Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

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Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.
Martin Roberts

Martin Roberts Demands Recount.

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Property botherer and dreadful chef Martin Roberts has demanded a recount following his failure to be elected President of the Jungle in this year's...

Anaconda, Bresciola and Carpet Top 3 Girls’ Names for 2016

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The computer that produces the list of the most popular names given to babies each year has thrown up a remarkable result in its...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

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After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in...
Leopard print shoes

Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes

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Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's...

Monkey With Typewriter Writes ‘Donald Trump Is An Orangutan In A Suit’

There was great excitement at the Royal Institute For Statistical Improbability today. Beppo, one of the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters trying to type...

Trump Admits ‘I’d Actually Prefer Snowden To Farage’

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President-elect Donald Trump revealed today that although he had expressed a preference for Nigel Farage as UK ambassador to the USA, this was a...
2017 calendar with skull on it

2016 Will Be A Cakewalk Compared To Me Says 2017

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  Many people have put 2016 down as one of the worst years of their lives, with a series of disastrous political events; the deaths...
Billboard saying "No pies"

Rochdale Nightmare Scenario As Shops Run Dry Of Pie Supply

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Rochdale citizens were today warned against panic buying one of the staples of their diet. A widespread shortage of Futtock's Pies has been reported...
Man in tree with chainsaw

Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’

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Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down...
Red and green nebula

Trump Election Due To Cosmic Emissions Says Brian Cox

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Professor Brian Cox has explained the recent election of Donald Trump by pointing to a rare stellar phenomenon. The Oldham-but-not-Rochdale born scientist explained:- "On the 9th...

Rochdale Twin Towns To Be Replaced Post-Brexit

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In line with the decision taken by the government that following the UK's departure from the EU, British towns will no longer be allowed...
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Socks and a tie on Rochdale man’s Christmas list

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Rochdale resident Steve Dickinson is hoping for unusual Christmas presents from his wife Barbara this year.  "I'm running really low on socks, so some of...

Woakes Croaks – Jokes Hoax Chokes Stokes’ Folks

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It has been revealed that a story about England cricket all-rounder Ben Stokes, which was definitely not printed in the Rochdale Herald, was a...

Farage either ‘Innumerate’ or ‘Hypocritical Dickwad’ says Brian Cox

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Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.  "Farage has spent months...
John Lewis Weasel

Accusations of Racism Hit John Lewis Commercial

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The new John Lewis advert, featuring a black British family giving their daughter a trampoline for Christmas has been denounced as racist. "It's an...

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