Jodie Knott
High mistress of the underworld, destroyer of souls, collector of small pottery cats. Also one of the country's premier frock enthusiasts.
Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss
The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw, has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...
Jeremy Vine in road rage incident.
Television and radio opinion blower Jeremy Vine was subjected to a road rage incident while cycling to work in London yesterday.
He was followed and...
Italians face criticism over construction.
The Italian government had come under severe criticism today for the standards of its building construction in the 1600's. This comes in the wake...
Study finds link between hair loss and racism.
Researchers at Rochdale Community University have uncovered the first clear links between racism and hair loss among men.
In an in depth study lasting nearly...
All your medals belong to us – Says China
As the country basks in the glory of Team GB's second place in the Olympic medal table, China released a press statement saying,
"The People's...
Daily Mail editor spontaneously combusts in Syrian child refugee logic feedback loop tragedy
After recent conflicts of conscience for the Mail, yesterday's news headlines about a little boy from Aleppo in Syria has caused it to disappear...
Death, Taxes and Rail Fare rises
A report issued by the TUC today shows that rail fares are rising twice as fast as commuters levels of despair. The trades union...
Smith Reveals Bears have secret plan.
In a speech today Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith has revealed that bears have secret plans to defecate in the woods.
In a hustings earlier...
Berners-Lee quits Internet following Rochdale Herald “Row with Linda”
The creator of the World Wide Web has today declared that he officially "cannot be arsed" with the Internet anymore.
This comes after the revelation...
Trump Campaign Manager to be Replaced by Super Nanny
In a twist to today's latest gaffe by Donald Trump, his campaign manager has resigned citing lack of experience on his part. Jo Frost,...
Rochdale Murderer Caught
There was shock and disbelief amongst Rochdale motorists yesterday as the police went out and caught a murderer, instead of stopping poor innocent speed...
Rochdale Bypass Approved
The rest of the UK today approved a bypass scheme for Rochdale. Using an EU grant while it is still available, the plan entails...
Obama rushed to hospital after biting through lip during Trump press conference
President Barack Obama was rushed to hospital yesterday after sustaining injuries during a press conference.
Herald reporter Scott McCracknee was there and describes what happened.
"Mr...
Trump campaign an elaborate game of ‘Electoral Chicken’
Emails leaked from Donald Trump's campaign office over the weekend appear to show that the follically absurd pseudo-politician is engaged in a mass game...
Trident finally put on Ebay
The Trident nuclear deterrent was today put up for sale on Ebay by the UK.
It is believed that the nuclear weapon system was bought...
UKIP Needs Image Change, Says Rest of UK.
The UK has today agreed with former UKIP leadership challenger Suzanne Evans when she said the party needed an image change. Preferably to a...
