US President Donald Trump caused a wave of confusion and condemnation earlier today, when it was announced that he would be cutting funding to British rock band The Who.
At an angry and often nonsensical press conference, the President told reporters that the band’s response to the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic had been both “weak” and biased towards Chinese interests.
“This band, The Who I think they call themselves, that’s what people tell me because I’ve never met them, they should really not be getting involved in this sort of thing, which I’m an expert on by the way, and stick to making their so-called music,” he told baffled journalists.
“There have been deaths, so many deaths, because they did not act fast enough, and I cannot be held responsible for the actions of a band who, by the way, what sort of name is that, The Who? I don’t know, maybe they should have asked me about a band names, I know a lot about naming things, I really do.
“From this point on, they will be banned from playing any more concerts in the United States of America, and they will be given no more money by the American people, until they accept full responsibility for everything that has happened here. Everything.”
Attempts by several reporters to clarify if Trump had really meant to sanction the WHO (World Health Organisation) rather than the band, The Who, were met with hostility by the US President, who accused them of being “fake news” and asking “nasty” questions before going on to talk about his ratings.
Right-wing media sycophants were quick to jump on the condemnation bandwagon, with Fox News host Sean Hannity demanding that Americans throw out, or even publicly burn, copies of The Who’s albums.
“For over fifty years now this so-called rock and roll band has been corrupting our youth and producing music which has one aim – the total destruction of the American way of life,” he said in an online rant.
“Now the responsibility for a global pandemic lies squarely at their feet, and definitely not at the feet of our heroic President, who has done everything he can to ensure that only a few hundred thousand Americans will die, and only if they vote Democrat.”
A spokesman for The Who said that they were not “overly-concerned” by the announcement, as they did not have any upcoming American tour dates and did not intend to play in the country again until “that fat fucking moron” had been voted out of office.
Meanwhile, the Herald has learned that Nigel Farage has since started a campaign to have Dr. Who cancelled indefinitely by the BBC, in an attempt to curry favour with the US President.
