The program known for subjecting contestants to creepy crawlies, scary animals and filthy challenges is facing a crisis after it has emerged that none of them are prepared to work with Katie Hopkins.
The backlash began when, on hearing that the ‘final solution’ supporting reincarnation of Hitler’s bile duct was to be parachuted onto the island, the snakes immediately slithered away. A spokesman for the snakes delivered a statement to program makers explaining “she’s more poisonous than anything in this jungle, and the snakes feared for their lives in such a toxic environment.”
Rumours have also circulated that a top favourite for this year, the dung beetle, has threatened to resign, telling ITV “I’m not going anywhere near her shit.”
Even lawyers for the famous kangaroo bollocks have threatened legal proceedings, claiming that the poor things would be at risk of being thrust into the most dangerous part of her body; her fetid, putrid mouth.
Some viewers have questioned the wisdom of putting the most venomous animal on planet earth amongst the contestants, given that it would make the entire show one single challenge, the only respite being when Katie was voted into some hole to devour terrified tarantulas and crickets for 10 minutes.
In a last ditch move to save the show, ITV have considered making being locked in with her in a darkened room one of the challenges, but instead of being allowed to leave, contestants will be given a revolver containing a single bullet, and a simple choice.
