“What has the EU ever done for us?” Biff Bifshop demanded.
Draped in a St George flag and holding a readiness to perform fellatio on Nigel Farage if the opportunity ever presents, Biff knows a Eurocrat conspiracy when he reads about one in The Daily Mail.
“It’s part of the Ross child plan that is.” Biff asserts. “The EU took our poo off our beaches so they could study our minds and now they’re out to control our mobiles.”
Biff doesn’t have a mobile at the moment. Having learned that Junker is watching him through the lens on his phone, he sensibly left the phone in the bin at his mate Boff’s unless he ever runs into Nigel Farage.
“Well, they’re not getting us to pay the same while on holiday across the ENGLISH channel as I do in Rochdale. Not me.”
Biff has never left Rochdale. He knows he can find a greasy spoon on the Costa del Sol, but he’s plenty of cutlery that needs washing at home already.
“My step father’s, ex wife’s, second cousin’s ex boyfriend got a bill for two grand for watching porn in Torrelominos last year. This is just a trick to get in the way of the will of the people. If Brexit stops they’ll bang the charges right back up. You watch.”
Biff pauses as a tall and bald man approaches his table.
“That’s Paul Nuttall that is. He’s a poof.”
Thanks Biff. We’ll phone a friend and let them know.
