The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that British youth is causing cancer.
In its article on the subject the Mail pointed out that British youths lack of home ownership, lack of interest in house prices and lack of reading newspapers, particularly the Daily Mail, are what’s driving the youth to cause cancer.
However, Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college told the Herald,
“This is bollocks. There is no link between youths causing cancers. The biggest cause of cancer is ageing. You want a class 1 carcinogen? Getting older.”
Dr Seddon went on to say,
“This is probably more to do with Britain’s youth having told the Mail that it no longer wishes to be dictated to and ruled over by a bunch of increasingly bitter, geriatric xenophobes who yearn for the restoration of imperial units of measurement. Or LSD as I like to call it.”
Going forward we can expect more articles like this as the Mail’s core readership finds itself between dementia’s warm embrace and the grim reaper.
It will be increasingly obvious that the Mail is having to appeal to an ever dwindling readership as the number of factually bankrupt stories such as this only increases.
Anyway, everyone knows the British press are the last place to get scientifically accurate stories from.”
