The astrophysics world has been in overdrive this week at the announcement of a newly discovered black hole located somewhere over the English Channel.
The cosmological anomaly is said to have appeared sometime around the time of the leave Europe referendum.
Furthermore, it is claimed that Brexit itself is in fact a black hole which has been feeding off politicians at Westminster.
Formally named 8R3X1T by the astrophysics community, this unstoppable leviathan is said to be inexorably sucking in and crushing all politicians who are even remotely in its vicinity. At the moment that means pretty much any MP currently in the government.
Professor Evan Torizin at Rochdale University Astrophysics dept told us,
“At the time of the referendum, there appears to have been a bifurcation in the timeline of the UK. The resulting spacetime fissure sucked in David Cameron as its first victim. The warped curvature in the continuum is then thought to have influenced Theresa May to call a snap election and gobbled up her parliamentary majority.
“This has created a power vacuum and avalanche effect as the causal link between MPs being given a brief and MPs acting competently on that brief is becoming increasingly fractured.
“The entropy of the whole system is becoming asymptotic, disorder has shot up, or in layperson’s terms, no one gives a gnat’s chuff about May and is doing what the hell they want.
“We even see a super massive yellow a-hole, 80R15, which is orbiting on the periphery of Brexit, but even that will be sucked into oblivion in the near future.
“For David Davis, located so close to the singularity, time has actually ceased to exist and is now virtually motionless in Brexit negotiations.
“Our equations predict the current government will eventually be consumed whole with no survivors. The country will then finally collapse backwards through a wormhole and be spat out somewhere around 1954.
The results of the discovery will be published early next month in Flat Earth Monthly, which by tomorrow will be sometime yesterday.
