Phil Collins has been telling the Saga trade magazine, Zimmer how he sees the 1980’s as his Coldplay years.

Collins told the magazine, “Look, when I was in Genesis it was good. There was some semblance of artistic credibility. But the problem is you find you’re playing 400 chords to 4 people in pubs. You go into rock to get loads of sex. When I was in Genesis that never happened. Women never really followed the band. I’d go to parties and end up stuck in the corner with some bloke called Brian, who only owned one wooly jumper and made his own lentil soup.”

“When I went solo in the 80’s I decided I needed a different approach. All of a sudden I would be there playing 4 chords to 4000 people. I had loads of money and I was no longer talking to Brian.”

“People say Coldplay are bland but that sells records. Everyone likes to think they were, or would have been, Queen fans in the 80’s. It’s bollocks, I made shit loads of money in the 80’s. Everyone The truth is that in the 80’s the only people who admitted to liking Queen were people who invited you round to a party, took their clothes off and danced around you only wearing gas masks.”

“The 80’s were really a comedown from Cocaine in the 70’s for many of us. We needed radio friendly dull music that sold to pay off drug debts and for kids we barely remembered conceiving. Coldplay have just jumped straight there without the drugs and illegitimate kids. You need drugs to enjoy any of it but that’s the genius of what they do.”

“Coldplay are music for people who buy music in supermarkets but it makes shed loads of money.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.