Switchboards at UK TV regulators Ofcom were jammed last night after the eagerly anticipated first episode of the new series of Game of Thrones contained absolutely no tits whatsoever.

Whilst Ofcom had already increased the shifts within their call centres, in preparation for the audience not remembering that Natalie Dormer was killed off in the last series, they were apparently caught unawares by the lack of ‘scenes vital to the integrity of the art & the storyline’ – if you follow?

The TV show made by US Giants HBO, is affectionally known by middle-aged men and teenage boys as Tits & Swords. However, viewers were left disappointed after the first episode of the new series.

“We have been left disappointed after the first episode of the new series” said a middle-aged man and a teenage boy.

And things are not looking good going into episode two. With Daenerys Stormborn not looking likely to be captured and thrown into another fire any time soon it’s hard to see where the Sword to Tit balance is going to come from.

However, Ofcom seem to have ridden the storm for now by placing a recorded message highlighting the availability of earlier series on BoxSet and unblocking a series of compilation videos on YouTube.