Love island viewers were last night in shock after it was revealed the island is to be transformed into a syphilis colony.
The revelations came in response to Jonny revealing he has crabs. Camilla and Tyla were the first to react with Tyla saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. This is well embarrassing. Now everybody knows I’ve got crabs.”
Camilla said, “I can’t believe he’s that duplicitous. He’s absolutely riddled.”
The shock didn’t end there. Simon had revealed to producers that he is dealing with latent syphilis. A quick calculation by Tyla revealed that she may also now be infected with her infecting Jonny and he Camilla.
A producer for the show said, “At first we thought we’d have to end it but then we realised a syphilis colony would be way more fun. Imagine how it’ll be as Jonny goes through the various stages. By stage 3 he’ll have gone mad and need pushing round in a chair like Winston Churchills dad.
Then imagine the fun as Gabby has to choose between a profoundly disfigured Simon and mad Jonny? The audience will lap it up.”
In further news producers have denied that Jonny is actually Will Young. The two bear a remarkable resemblance and there is a theory that Will contracted syphilis several years ago and is now on Love Island trying to relaunch his career as Simon Cowell won’t touch him with a barge pole.
