One’s elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one will lead the country oneself.
In times of crisis a leader will meet with one’s subjects to reassure and offer whatever assistance is in one’s power to offer.
My grandson and I have done this, and felt able to offer no more than hope. This one’s prospective Prime Minister has failed to do. By resuming control, one will be able to give constructive hope.
Some of One’s elected representatives will remain as one’s personal advisors, after a drawing of straws.
One is tempted to return to more traditional methods of punishing one’s failed servants of state, but one is fearful of a certain grandson getting into a spot of bother, so this seems unwise.
One does sometimes view portraits of ancestors and feel a little wistful.
No matter, those that remain will answer directly to me. None will be allowed to make decisions independently until they have demonstrated the ability to use both a knife and a fork.
Frankly, one believes most of them incapable of organising an orgy in a house of ill repute.
Brexit will be put on hold. Until one knows what Brexit means.
In fact, one so loathes the word Brexit that it is henceforth banned.
The process will only resume when one has sorted out the mess in which we find ourselves. And only then if one can invade Spain or France or perhaps the Netherlands, as in the good old days.
One wishes one’s subjects well. One thanks you for the birthday gifts. One does not consider the result of the recent general election as a gift. Please be more thoughtful in the future.
