Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. It is believed the carnage was a result of an inexperienced cashier calling for a new till to be open.
So far emergency services have rescued ten people, including an employee, have been injured in a multi trolley pile up.
“It was carnage, broken glass, twisted metal from the trollies and bust crisp packets everywhere. We couldn’t tell if people were covered in blood or pasta sauce.” Said Dave Prattlebury, a fast response paramedic first to arrive at the scene.
Tommy Farfetchly of the Rochdale fire department said,
“We had to use the jaws of life to get a toddler out of the child seat trolly; thankfully he wasn’t injured and was happily licking yogurt off his hands.
But if that pack of Petits Filous was placed just two inches to the right on top of the Findus fish fingers, well, let’s just say it would have kept me awake at night.”
Store manager Michelle Picklepoint said,
“It was poor Ryan, he was only 2 weeks of into the job. He saw a dozen trollies coming right at him and Instead of waiting for the first few to start unloading, meaning a new till would receive less traffic, he panicked. The result was catastrophic.”
Gregory Overtopson is the head of a government commission which investigates such supermarket collisions.
He said,
“This is what happens when ill trained, inexperienced people are put in charge of complex, highly structured and prioritised roles. Air traffic controllers don’t even have to deal with the same stresses.
What if a pensioner pops out the queue to get another pint of milk?
There’s three people waiting to be served, what do you do?
Sometimes you can open another till, but it’s not always so clear cut. It’s absolutely outrageous such an under qualified employee was given this level of responsibility.”
“It’s almost as bad as the Dale Winton Supermarket Sweep tragedy of 1998.”
