Rochdale Labour voter Kyle Henderson has told the Herald how his sciatica was cured after he hugged Jeremy Corbyn at a Labour election rally.
Mr Henderson has spent the past 3 years unable to straighten his back or walk properly due to sciatica but since being hugged by Mr Corbyn he has been cured.
He told the Herald,
“It’s amazing. I hugged Mr Corbyn and could feel the pain drain straight away. I feel so good. I’ve got full movement for the first time in years and have reformed my Michael Flatley tribute act.”
The miracles don’t stop there though. Dave Trillo, 72 told the Herald,
“I’ve been impotent for seven years. I shook hands with Jeremy and I’ve had a raging erection ever since. I’m now Rochdale’s answer to Hugh Heffner.”
Mr Corbyn isn’t just good at curing disease. He can prevent it as well.
Key Maguire told the Herald,
“I built a shrine to Jeremy two years ago. I’ve not developed cancer in that time at all. Jeremy is better than crystals at preventing disease.”
Derek Brogan told the Herald,
“I commissioned an oil painting of Jeremy last year. Prior to that I’d lost my job, my marriage had broken up and my cat had died. I hung the painting on the wall and on the first night blood began to seep from the patina.
I got some on my hands and since then it’s been amazing. I won the lottery with a ticket I found, I’ve been knee deep in women since last December and I’ve opened my own cat sanctuary.”
Not everyone is happy though.
The Blind Boys of Alabama are being sued for falsely claiming to be blind.
Corbyn met the band at a benefit concert for campaigners against apartheid in 1985. Corbyn shook hands with each member of the band curing them of their blindness. The band have had to pretend to be blind ever since.