Jeremy Rhymes-With has ordered the gargantuan and wealthy NHS to enact its Black Death emergency plan.
Most of the staff were just weaving baskets anyway while watching television and waiting to see which public service is next to handle a major tragedy?
The Alt-Health Secretary is reported to have already taken a selfie with Katie Hopkins to have a press image ready for when the pandemic strolls into town off an airliner. To this end all air travel in and out of the UK has been banned.
The photo shoot took place outside St Thomas’ hospital in Westminster and featured Liam Fox-Trot-Tango-Arms-Sale astride a poodle made from bones in place of Death.
Death itself released a statement stating he would fulfil the Alt-Health Secretary’s fears as soon as he has finished studying regulations repealed or not enacted into law during the last seven years of Tory-rific rule.
“The Blairites did give me a wake up call with their love of public private partnerships. But this mob? With their seeming greater willingness to put profit before people? I am expecting a massive surge in my shares! I might even be able to give up my night job at Cost-co!”
The emergency plan involves killing cats and dogs and looking warily at anyone who sneezes. Also a warning to members of the public to duck and cover if someone from overseas sneezes.
Doctors will be fitted with fetching beak like masks, giant leather coats and warned about miasma. Do not be alarmed. They will also be burning the hair of a newborn lamb and praying like mad.
This will buy time for the minority Con-servative government to decide if it’s better to hang onto rule or hand over to the Real Jezza-Cooorbyn, so they can blame him for what comes next.
