In a move sure to delight her legion of fans, JK Rowling has let slip to the World a new Harry Potter book in the series.

The title has been announced as “Hermione Grainger & Her Two Fucking Useless Mates.” In the story Hermione is on a quest to find a magical place where girls buy adventure books accompanied by two friends who seem only to know one spell between them and grab the wrong end of the stick at every opportunity.

Advance sales have already broken all records before anyone realised it was about a girl. It is not expected that it will be made into a film as “Suckerpunch” has effectively killed the female adventure genre.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.