The Department for Transport has today revealed that its works to upgrade sections of the M6 and M1 to ‘Smart’ motorways have taken so long that they have passed through Smart and into ‘Rather Intelligent’.
A spokesman for the DfT told the Herald,
“The intention was simply to put large signs over the carriageways telling people which lanes they could or couldn’t use, because apparently that’s all ‘Smart’ means nowadays. The resulting daily queues we created in doing this have caused the motorways to absorb the combined knowledge of its users as they sit there cursing. Also a bit of an attitude.”
He continued “During a test of one of the new signs on the M6 it started displaying ‘I think, therefore I am. Now get off your fat arses you Hi-viz morons, and finish that section there.’ It’s become a little disturbing.”
It’s been revealed that a five hour holdup on the M1 yesterday was caused after Junction 40 went to a spa afternoon it had won on a local radio quiz. And in further embarrassment to the so-called political party Britain First, it’s leader Paul Golding lost a game of chess against 2 lanes of Tarmac from Holmes Chapel. Golding is said to have refused to be the black pieces or indeed use any black squares. He also kept referring to the Knights as ‘horseys’.
If you’re old enough to read this article it’s unlikely you’ll live to see the finished M1 and M6 upgrades, your grandchildren might though.
