Master baker, Paul Hollywood’s human remains were found a few hours ago in a Premier Inn in Clitheroe.
“All that was left was his right foot and a soggy bottom.” Said Chief Superintendent Abdul Nasir.
“We do not believe there to be any suspicious circumstances, there was no sign of a forced entry, a struggle and there are no motifs from any potential enemies. The guy just loved himself too much, it’s as simple as that.”
A half empty bottle of vodka and some angel cake were left at the scene along with Mr. Hollywood’s neatly folded clothing and an A3 signed poster of himself.
Mr. Hollywood’s close friend and co-presenter, Mary Berry, said;
“The news of Paul’s demise is tragic but not a shock. I used to joke with him that he loved himself so much that he’d happily eat himself. God how I wish I was wrong.”
Mr. Hollywood’s family declined to comment.
