There were wild scenes of celebration from keen athletics fans up and down the UK this morning, as the head of the Seasonal Olympics committee Stavros Davros gave his approval for a proposed Autumn Olympics to be jointly held in the metropolitan boroughs of Oldham, Bury & Rochdale in 2021.
High octane events such as conkers, bramble picking, chutney making. bird watching, and the arduous Sunday roast making & eating biathlon have been lined up to make a welcome return to screens, with a finale of a tense pram-walk around a TBC National Trust site set to thrill viewers worldwide.
Head of Autumn Sports Society (ASS) Richard T Biscuit was understandably absolutely delighted with outcome. “Team GB’s chances of getting another medal in the Summer Olympics are naff all now Mo Farrah has retired, and let’s face it, no one actually gives a monkey’s about the Winter Olympics. We feel it’s right that a separate competition to allow Britain to excel should be created, given that we introduced these sports to the world. We’re a shoe in to win – I mean, who’s ever heard of Russian Chutney? Good luck fixing that, Vladimir.”
Biscuit also confirmed a surge in popularity for Autumnal sports amongst school children, with some now added to school curriculums “Britain is home to some of the finest conkathletes on the planet” Biscuit proudly told the Herald.
“As we know, the EU banned Britons from playing the noble sport of conkers without the use of hard hats & oven gloves, but thanks to Brexit, we’re free to see conkers at it’s very best, red raw knuckles and all.
“This was Boris Johnson’s Brexit plan all along.”
