Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by 2019

In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and “disappear” young hitchhikers by the end of next year, the government has announced.

A contract has been awarded to the Transport Research Laboratory (TRL) to carry out the tests of vehicle “platoons” – in which up to three lorries will travel in formation, throwing bottles of piss from the window and side-swiping any Nissan 4x4s that are hogging the middle lane.

The government has been promising such a project since at least 2014. Last year, for example, it announced its intention to carry out trials of shoving large piles of old “Readers Wives” porn magazines through open windows at Watford Gap services, but were frustrated by a cold snap that saw all windows wound up.

By Dwayne Dibley, Rochdale Institute “Driverless vehicles may seem unfamiliar now, but over the coming years you’ll start to encounter – or even use them – on a daily basis. There was a time when a headless horseman would cause a stir on the Rochdale High Street, but now of course we have come to see it as part of every day life.

The important thing is that we continue to see bottles of piss and a month’s worth of ash-tray contents strewn across the British countryside.

In Paris, robot buses are shuttling passengers along city streets whilst still making female passengers uncomfortable and sexually objectified – without a driver!”

But not everyone is as keen. Barry Outwhistle, of the RAC (Rochdale Automobile Club) said “Driverless lorries? Whatever next? Women lorry drivers? Don’t be ridiculous! How are they even going to fill bottles with piss!”