Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European Union will die after the Brexit negotiations are concluded.
They are said to be absolutely furious. “I’m absolutely furious.” One voter told us. “The Leave Campaign didn’t make that absolutely clear in their literature. You didn’t see “you’re all going to die” on the side of a massive red bus did you? They kept that quiet.”
Some remain campaigners are expected to die shortly after the negotiations are concluded while others may take a little longer, some as long seventy or eighty years.
“It’s utterly disgusting, I blame the Tories. They should be doing more to make sure that nobody dies ever. I mean how many people have died since Jeremy Hunt took over at the NHS. Loads, that’s how many. It’s all an anti-EU Tory conspiracy to kill the poor and create a utopia for billionaires after Brexit.”
Meanwhile, Michael Gove was reassuring the nation that Hammond was creating unnecessary tensions. “You wouldn’t guess that I am actually 2000 years old, would you?” he crowed, waving his sonic briefcase.
Leave campaigners are said to be delighted by the news but shocked to learn they are also going to die after Brexit. “I’m delighted by the news that all of the remainers are going to die, but I must say I’m shocked that I’m going to die after Brexit.” One told us.
Living beyond March 2019 is set to become a bigger killer than both cancer and heart disease by 2020 according to factual news sites such as The Canary.
“People need to know the truth. It can’t be a coincidence that everybody who voted in the EU Referendum and is still alive now will be dead after we leave the EU. It’s a conspiracy.”
