A Welshman had a shock today when a black hole opened in his kitchen.
The man, who can’t be named because his name is unpronounceable in Welsh, told us that the black hole opened up when his toaster popped and kettle boiled simultaneously. His kitchen, most of the ground floor of his house and all his possessions were consumed by the black hole moments later.
One resident said, “I was on the bus because I needed to get to the Doctors to get my staples removed. It was an ordinary day. I’d just got off the phone to our Kitty. She’s full of phlegm and I wanted to make sure she’d got it up. Anyway, there was a pop and a black hole appeared 2 streets away almost instantaneously.”
It’s understood that Kitty immediately told the bus driver about the black hole.
Driver Gareth Morris said, “At first I thought it was a joke. People are always coming on the bus and saying they’ve seen a black hole in the direction of Swansea. But then I saw it devour an entire bus stop. I thought it was serious then and drove back to the depot.”
Kitty told us, “I just feel sorry for the kids. It’s so close to Christmas and now the solar system is going to be consumed by an enormous black hole.”
It’s understood that since the black hole was created it has devoured much of the Brecon Beacons and was last seen making its way to the river Wye.
Scientists have said that there’s no way of stopping it and that Burnley will be destroyed on Saturday at 11:03 am. One Burnley resident said, “That’s a shame. I’ve been trying to sell my house for 6 months. This will knock at least 5 grand off the asking price.”
Steve Dickinson from the University of Rochdale to the Herald that at the current rate of expansion the black hole will consume Rochdale on Sunday morning.
