A Rochdale man who sustained life threatening injuries after he jumped off Beachy Head has blamed his injuries on his friends not believing he could fly.

Friend Martin Williams told us, “We tried to tell him that if he jumped he’d more than likely fall to his death. The stupid thing is he seems to see it as a victory over us as he’s not dead just very badly injured. He’s going to need support and round the clock care for the rest of his life. How’s that a victory?”

Another friend, Ian Inning said, “I explained to him how gravity works and everything. Tried to show what would happen using balls falling from a height. He just kept saying that I was a victim of project expert. That gravity was just a notion not something that you can demonstrate. I even repeated the Cavendish experiment for him but he still jumped. Now it’s my fault for not believing strongly enough that he could fly.”

Cliff Edge told us, “You lot are stupid. Big physics are just lying to you because they need gravity to be real more than I do. Everybody told me this would happen but it’s all their fault it did. If they’d believed more in my ability to fly then I’d have soared majestically over the white cliffs like a Spitfire. Instead, I lay battered and broken because people didn’t have faith and talked me down. Well that’s their loss as they’re going to be carrying me around for the rest of my life.”

It’s understood that Cliff intends to spend the next few weeks ignoring doctors advice as he doesn’t do experts. Instead, he has hired a doctor from the University of Life as he tells Cliff things he wants to hear.

Cliff’s friends told us that they all plan to emigrate to Yorkshire to avoid carrying him around forever.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.