It was announced last Friday that Ringmaster may’s Brexit circus will attempt to extend its world record breaking tour of Europe until 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten by a lion while in the ring.
It was initially expected the tour would conclude in the spring of 2019, but Ringmaster May has responded to the wild and enthusiastic reviews of her circus by the Daily Fail and Duncepress and is offering to extend the run.
The Rochdale Herald’s Brexit means Clowns, Balloons and Lions correspondent interviewed amateur lion tamer David Davis to see what he thought of the exciting development.
“I am going to need a new chair, I can tell you that, even without hiring lawyers that cost the public thousands of a pounds a day and setting up a whole new department to spend millions on for no perceptible, ultimate gain,”
Our reporter observed that Mr Davis was looking a little instantly sweaty at news of the extension.
“No. No. I’m thrilled. Personally. I couldn’t be happier. Barnier, Junker, Vershoss..Vertsoss…the one that starts with the V over there, the golden mane, yes, that’s him and Tusker, they love this big tent performance. I see no chance at all that any of them will get passed this old, wooden chair I’m using to hold them back and devour every industry in the stalls behind me.”
But animal welfare campaigners have been quick to complain about the extended run, arguing the show should never have been given a permit to begin with.
“I don’t care if they took a marginal victory in an advisory referendum as a mandate to change the entire future of the country in defiance of the wishes of the generations that will have to live with it, rather than an indicator that we needed to explore the issue with responsibility equal to the gravity of the change, I just don’t think we should be exposing children to bloodsports of this nature in this day and age. That clown with the chair, he’s a goner, any moment now.”
But Ringmaster May has dismissed the concerns and said she is going to continue to add clowns to the show, so even if (or when) David Davis finally gets torn to shreds and is carried out of the ring, there will still be entertainment, there will still be noise, there will still be clowning fun for all the world to see.
