Payday loan provider Wonga has announced today that it has offered to step in and help the government. The move follows a further reduction of Britain’s credit rating by Moody’s.
The reduction from ‘mortgage potentials’ to ‘spare some change please’ was branded outdated by the Treasury.
A spokesperson for the Treasury went on to say that Teresa May has ‘laid out an ambitious plan for future relations with the EU’. However, a leaked memo today confirmed that this was just a drawing by David Davis of a pot of gold at the end of a red, white and blue rainbow.
Head of loans at Wonga, Sheila Moneypenny, stated that they felt very sorry for the government after today’s announcement.
“We have set out a range of packages from £50 to £18bn, over a three or six month flexible loan. We are also pleased to have put together a very generous APR of only 1325%. This is representative of the government’s increased level of stupidity during the Brexit process.”
The government are now unable to apply for low rate credit cards and hire purchase vehicles. Although their Park Christmas hamper and Grattan catalogue accounts aren’t affected.
It was rumoured that 118-loans had also offered financial aid to the government although they pulled out at the last minute.
A spokesman told The Rochdale Herald “We don’t want to be associated with annoying morons with stupid catchphrases, do we 118?”
Philip Hammond was unavailable for comment today, as he was shaking a collection bucket outside Westminster for the day.
