UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s use of statistics.
Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to be understandably apoplectic over Mr Johnson’s repeated use of the £350M a week sum.
“The Foreign Secretary is a foreigner in the land of the truth.” Mr Norse Code blasted Boris Johnson. “Everyone on earth, including Mr Johnson, knows the £350M a week sum is complete and utter bollocks. It’s basic accounting. It’s there in black and white. Mr Johnson is showing daily my institution has sod all power to stop politicians lying through their teeth and it’s driving me crazy.”
Questions have been raised too about Mr Johnson’s revival of a figure that even Nigel Farage has distanced himself from. Mr Farage is a man who proudly stands in front of anti-immigration billboards that closely mirror nazi propaganda, so if he won’t touch it with yours, then how bad can it be?
Mr Johnson’s motivation is believed to be an attempt to put a hole in the side of Prime Minister Theresa May’s already listing ship of governance, taking on water heavily as a matter of course, because she is a terrible pilot, and constantly receiving incoming fire from tantrum throwing schoolboy George Osborne.
“Mr Johnson may believe in his desperate desire to become prime minister that misusing statistics that only credulous fools like brexiters believe will help him destroy Ms May, but he’s only doing further harm to the catastrophic state of public discourse surrounding Brexit.” Mr Code added.
“I’ll tell you another old adage that holds good. There are only two things that are certain in life, death and the fact that Boris Johnson is as trustworthy a guardian of the truth as Lance Armstrong in a blood bank!”
