Boris Johnson, acting Prime Minister, has followed up Theresa May’s success in Japan by reassuring Japanese business lobbies British automakers can produce enough english sparkling wine to satisfy Japanese demand post Brexit.
“Of course like Theseus happy as a kitten with a ball of twine facing a bull headed man in a maze, so British carmakers can follow the thread of famous english wine production to achieve global dominance over the frankly flat pop the Italians call prosecco.”
Mr Johnson went on to say that the government had been attempting to encourage British car factories to plant rows of grapevines in order to have a vintage ready for 2019.
“The Japanese are positively gasping for the nectar of English vineyards. Like Atlas holding aloft a magnum of delectable liquid to purge thirst from the world, so too will Britain send flotillas of sparkling tankers to purge the thirsts of the people of Tokyo and Saigon and Fukishima, wherever they maybe, with giant hoses spraying the best of British into their open mouths.”
Representatives of British carmakers have been hesitant in their embrace of the government’s latest exhortations.
Mr Sandy Shure, manager of a large Nissan factory on Tyne, next to, Wyre said what many were thinking.
“We are owned by the Japanese. What they tell us to do is what we’ll do. It’s most likely they’ll eek a few more years out here while they set up in the east of Europe. UK automobile manufacturing will no longer be economically competitive in the face of post Brexit customs red tape forced on our industry by Brexit.”
The government took this as an encouraging beginning.
“They’re in the denial stage of grief still.” A Downing Street spokesman reassured. “They’ll be having those factory robots re-programmed and planting a vineyard where hubcaps used to grow in no time. Why stop at english prosecco, we can make pinot noir too!”
