The Office of the Prime Minister Theresa May served up a rare slice of humble pie as Ms May apologised for not personally handing deportation letters to EU nationals.
Approximately one hundred long term aliens from various states in the greedy European Union were accidentally sent letters telling them to get the hell out of dodge this week, or face detention.
It seems an administration error at the Home Office sent the letters out by Royal Mail when May had intended to invite the suspected welfare cheats to a function at 10 Downing Street so she could personally tell them the gig was up and they had to get out or face prison.
An aide for Theresa May delivered her mea culpa,
“The Prime Minister would like to personally apologise to the EU nationals for the deportation letters that were sent out this week by mail. She meant to hand them to you in person so you knew you were most definitely not wanted here and to go away now. We are looking into ways to rectify the damage this has caused. The solution is most likely to round you all up so she can address you via megaphone and tell each and every one of you together that you add nothing and you need to stop claiming the tax money of hard working British born patriots and go back to whatever backward hole you crawled away from.”
Twenty eight year old Doris Lessing, who was born in Austria and moved to England as a four year old, was one of the recipients of the bungled letters. She spoke to the Rochdale Herald about her emotions upon reading the letter.
“I’ve only just qualified as a GP. I was a bit of a star. I started medical school at fifteen. I would be happy to leave immediately because I know I am just a parasite on the noble British state, but because I’m a little vain I wanted to be told to go in person so I could satisfy myself I was annoying enough to deserve that. My whole family have been trying to upset English people ever since we smuggled our way in on an airliner two decades ago.”
However, all was not lost, it’s felt this episode does provide extra certainty for the EU at the time when they are faced with the daunting task of trying to negotiate a trade deal in their interest with David Davis.
The aide to the PM added,
“The EU knows we mean business now. They know we meant it when we said we wanted a new relationship with them post Brexit now. Now they know what sort we meant. This is global Britain at its best.”
