The office of the prime minister has announced this evening that the governing Conservative Party is to rebrand itself as the People’s Front of Judea in order to present a united front over Brexit.
An aide to the Prime Minister read out a prepared statement in a small, poorly lit room situated in little better than a hovel down a side street off Downing Street so everyone would know what the rebrand means.
“Many alternative names were considered. The United Front of Judean People. This was taken unfortunately by a group lead by David Davis and Sajid Javid. Splitters! We were actually first going with Judean’s People’s Front, but unfortunately Amber Rudd left the room with Angela Leadsom to all our surprise and shouted from the door that they were leaving and intending on using that name. Splitters! Boris Johnson claimed he and Michael Gove were preparing to lead an unaffiliated branch of the party called Front of United Judean Peoples, so that was out too. Splitters!”
It’s believed the rebranding exercise will lead to immediate unity in what is left of the Conservatives in cabinet and they will all band together to make a success of Brexit thereafter.
But critics of the government from across the political spectrum have pointed out that while the new name may have sympathetic connotations for the British public due to referencing a certain movie popular during the 1980’s by a comedy troupe who doesn’t need naming, it won’t heal the divisions caused by attempting to ruin the entire country in a limited time span.
And Tom Watson, deputy leader of the Labour Party, apparently, was also deeply unimpressed by Theresa May’s latest attempt to convince everyone that one new sentence a month means everything is under control.
“This rebrand is a transparent attempt to park the Tory tanks on Labour’s lawn. Now that Momentum have taken control of the official opposition it’s only natural that the deep left in Labour have the opportunity to fracture amongst themselves and come up with many alternative, but very similar sounding, names for warring factions within our party.”
But giving her first speech as leader of the People’s Front of Judea, Prime Minister Theresa May was as coherent as before her recent hiking holiday, merely asking the question,
“What has Brexit ever done for us?”
