Dr Liam Fox is in America this week offering the United Kingdom up as America’s toilet, after Brexit, and sees no risk of a blockage.
“Whenever you need to dump a load of hamburger we’ll be your friend.” Mr Fox told a delirious Donald Trump. “If you have trouble passing something large and noxious, just sit on us and push. I’ll even help pull if needed.”
The invitation is a canny bit of forward planning for when the United Kingdom has cleverly made it hard to trade with the largest trading bloc on Earth, just a few miles away across the English Channel, and will need to be someone’s WC to fulfill the dreams of the men paying for Brexit.
“We’ll take a billion chlorine washed chickens. I don’t mind. I only eat free range pheasant.” Dr Fox enthused.
“Have you seen how many KFC rip off chains we have on our high roads? Give us your hormone pumped beef too. Our children are getting far too scrawny. We’ll need help with healthcare I wager also. Trumpcare sounds just perfect to me.”
President Trump was just as effusive, tweeting out a spray of big promises in expectation of his family and friends asset stripping the shirt off the United Kingdom, once it’s free of the EU.
Quite what Britain will get in exchange for being a dumping ground for America’s toxic waste is not yet certain. Also, will Donald Trump even be President in 2019 and capable of seeing through his promises?
But Dr Fox is endlessly optimistic.
“What do you do when you’ve finished on the bog? Do you just walk away with a satisfied smile? Or do you flush? I’m confident President Trump is a flusher.”
