Lord Chris Greyling, Secretary of State for Transport, revealed this afternoon that the government is considering changing its mind over HS2 out of health and safety concerns.
The major concern stems from the worry that an army of white walkers will use any new high speed rail link to race to King’s Landing.
The army of the dead normally move at a pretty sluggish pace, unless actually fighting, but the possibility of getting a fast train raises the risk alarmingly.
Various government ministers were alerted to this risk after viewing the documentary on life in the north of the United Kingdom on television Monday night.
“We knew it was grim up north.” Lord Greyling commented,
“But I didn’t realise it was that grim. We should probably consider rebuilding Hadrian’s Wall? I can’t see what use a wall of ice is going to be with global warming?
Although I think maybe just using a series of small, tactical nuclear warheads could be simpler? It would solve the lack of investment problem in the region too.”
When asked if he wasn’t confusing the fictional King’s Landing from the fictional Game of Thrones with Westminster and London the Secretary of State was unmoved.
“You’re just playing word games now. I don’t think it matters if you call London one name or another. An army of the dead getting a high speed train straight to the House of Commons is pretty bloody terrifying. My second home is in London.”
MPs are to launch a consultation on the best way to solve the problem.
“We’re not saying we shouldn’t build HS2 still.” Mr Greyling added.
“But we should probably consider ending the line at Watford now? You know, where the north ends. That way the white walkers will have to continue to King’s Landing on foot again. We’ll have time to train some dragons.”
