The Rochdale Herald has been briefed by a group of hardcore Brexit Conservative MPs who have confirmed that Brexit is actually really hard, even though they stand to inherit everything but brains.
This is in spite of how easy Rupert told them it would be.
The shock seems to have been compounded by each one of them so far having been bailed out of any cock-up they’ve made in life by their family and connections.
“I once took a whizz in a policeman’s helmet after too much pop watching The Boat Race. It was just a storm in a teacup in the end. Mummy had her PA bring down a brown envelope and we all agreed it was high spirits.” One revealed.
“Did you know I am the youngest MP ever elected to parliament? I really wasn’t feeling the oil business, it’s so dull. But Brexit will let us trade with the world! We don’t do that currently. We are going to crack this nut though.”
Another revealed that they killed a neighbour’s pony joyriding in their father’s Bentley, but it was all right because their father had the neighbour’s house repossessed after arranging with his friend at the bank to have the irritating plebs default on their mortgage.
“But Brexit. Oh. My. God. It’s really a puzzle. Did you know that the EU have these giant stacks of paper full of I don’t know, figures, sums, contingencies. Boring stuff.
Not a man in their negotiating team has any serious heraldry. It’s really all pretty dull stuff.
I don’t honestly know if I can be bothered. Which is what they are up to. Trying to bore the best of Britain out of the game. What a yawn.”
The job isn’t likely to get any easier either as economic indicators suggest the country is facing an uncertain future.
“I guess we could get Charles to offer Barnier some land in Cornwall?” Another one floated.
“Failing that we’ll just give the job to some earnest wannabe from the working classes like old Corbs and go shoot something.
